I Know You
by Avita Suicide
Summary: Courtney Rose, is a sixth year who is just now finding herself, a father who created a potion to kill for and a crush to die for. Remus Lupin, is a Marauder with a secret, and urges he can barely control when he smells violets and roses. He's also having a hard time looking at Sirius and not hitting him. At least when he's staring at her. Completely Re-Written as of 07/22/12
1. Chapter 1

At the end of her fifth year Courtney Rose was _still _stuck in the awkward stage of puberty. While most of the girls in her year had molded into their looks and filled out their blouses, Courtney was stuck in that strange in between. In between a young woman ready to take on the world and a child who just wants to hide under her bed sheets.

Her hair was a dull frizzy mess of black, something that she struggled with nearly every day just to get into a ponytail. And her eyes where a flat green, no amazing shine that made them look like polished jewels that the other young witches seemed to have. Her robes never seemed to fall in the right places, and she still seemed to be tugging along that baby fat that no matter how scattered around the castle her classes where, she never seemed to get rid of.

She never really got around to making friends with people other then the few she knew in her dorm or her classes. Not because she didn't like people but more so because they didn't seem to like her. The closest thing she had to a best friend was a boy she had been potions partners with for three years. They had started prefect duties together during the past year, which only made the small infatuation she had for him grow.

Most of the students at school who did know who she was seemed to spend their time making fun of her "mad scientist" father. He was actually a potions inventor, but he hadn't had a major break through in the potion's world for many years Or even a small one. Not that it bothered her or her father, but it would be nice if they didn't have that ammo. Her armor was chipped enough.

Now, at the start of her sixth year, Courtney doesn't have the outward apearance of "awkward girl" anymore. Her hair grew out a few inches, so the long dark locks fell to her hips, making it almost impossible not to brush it three times a day (She also found a shampoo that she mixed with anti-frizz, but that's another matter). Her eyes had a glow about them, why she didn't know, but she just seemed _happier _his year. It may or may not have to do with the secret she now carried around her neck.

She lost a few pounds, fifteen to be exact, due to her restricted diet throughout the summer. Then, below what she always saw as "extra weight", curves emerged. They gave her an hourglass figure, not perfectly defined but she felt it looked fantastic, considering. It helped that she now filled out her robes better. She still didn't get around to making many friends, if only because it didn't interest her as much anymore. She was a little more concerned with that necklace that she never took off. Her father's newest invention.

**Courtney's POV**

I was sitting in the prefects compartment reading an old-almost falling apart- copy of Shakespeare (A Collection of Plays) and half listening to the chatter coming in from the window due to the people who had yet to board the train and were still talking to their families. I have never did completely understood the need to well up with tears and act as if I'm never going to see my father again.

He'll be right there in the small red house on the corner when I get back.

Unless he paints the house.

My pale hand was at my neck, my nimble fingers moving the small vile across the silver chain, a habit I had picked up after my father gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday. The purple and silver liquid could hold a revolution in it's mixture, if it works. If so, I get to name it (and 'the potion of total awesomeness' isn't yet taken). I didn't hear the compartment door click open, or shut, until Remus sat down across from me.

My breath got stuck in my lungs for only a moment (new record!) as he sat down; he smelled of a cologne I was never able to place. Almost like wet Earth and Moonlight. He looked tired, as he often did, while he held head was in his hands. I don't think he's noticed me, something that sent a small sting of pain behind my ribs.

I had figured out he was a werewolf forth year, I never did tell him I knew though. Why would I? If he didn't want me to know, I would pretend that he was nothing more then another boy who just so happened to be in my year.

"How was your summer, Remus?" His head snapped up as I placed my book face down on my lap and smiled at him. His reaction made me wonder if the changes I had noticed over summer where visible. Then, of course, my mind wanted to know if he liked them.

"I didn't even recognize you, Court." I just shrugged at his admission. Have I changed so much that people would no longer recognize me? More importantly, did he feel it was a good change? Does this mean that he would feel, if even for a moment, what I have felt for him since we made our first potion together?

"…and that's about it. How was your summer?" I looked back to him and noticed a new scar on his shoulder, I wonder if he told me how it happened while I wasn't listening.

"My dad made a new potion, but aside from that, nothing to exciting." That's true, as long as you do not feel as though watching after two werewolves as they change and documenting everything about it to be interesting.

The other prefects were starting to pile in, and Remus immediately started talking to Lilly Evens and Chris McIntyre about something I can only image had to do with their OWL results. I went back to reading my book, as thrilling as listening to top three students in the school talk about their studies seemed to be.

I wonder what play is after this one. I hope beyond hope I will not have to suffer through Romeo and Juliet. It may just be the worst love story known to man, in my opinion. The book itself was once my mothers and I've never really read her books before.

"This year we want to keep an eye out, even more so then last. There have already been a few detentions given, and we aren't even to the castle yet…" The Head girl is talking, she opened her mouth wide while doing so and pronounced every letter perfectly. I should at least pretend to pay attention, yeah?

She finally shut up, an hour later, and the people started leaving to join their respective groups and friends. I was left in the extra wide compartment, alone. I almost started changing into my robes when I realized one of my fellow prefects had left their bag lying on the bench across from my own. I frowned for a moment, debating over whether or not learning whose it was was worth it before my Good Samaritan side decided for me.

I picked it up and attempted to look for a name without prying to far into it's contents—and therefore into someone's privacy. I didn't find one, but I did notice the initials. R.L.

Do you know what that stands for? I'll give you three chances to guess, and no, it's not Rufus LeStrange or Ramilda Long. It stands for Remus Lupin.

Who happens to sit with the other Marauders.

I'm changing into my robes.

I have been staring at this bag across from me for nearly twenty minutes; we will be arriving at the castle sometime within the next hour and at this rate he'll never see it again. I stood up and fixed my hair the best I could with the reflection of the window, then I did the bravest thing I have done at Hogwarts in all of my six years here. I left the large compartment, Remus' bag in hand.

I walked down the corridor, which only seemed to be much longer then need be, my own bag hanging off of my shoulder. I stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed that the door was open, only a few steps away, the light flowing out into the corridor. It seemed to be a was a particularly dark evening. Not just because of the weather, but because my plan to set the bag down, knock, and run for my life had been foiled by a door.

I've never been alone with them as a group before. There where always crowded halls and filled tables between us. I felt like I was about to see the animals at the Zoo without glass. I actually half expected a sign that told me not to feed them.

I took another step, and a beep breath, and heard the laughter—bark-like of Sirius, nervous laughter of Peter, and loud and full of James. Yes, there most defiantly should be a sign somewhere. I couldn't her Remus and for some reason, and this made me feel _slightly _better with the thought that he may not be in there. I stood in front of the open door and knocked lightly on the frame, they all looked up. Just like if you tap on the glass at the Zoo. Unfortunately this included Remus, who was red and trying to avoid meeting my eyes.

"I think you forgot this in the prefect compartment" I stepped in, holding my breath with his bag out in front of me. They're not like their house animal, are they? Wont claw me to death for entering their territory without a trainer? When he took it from me his hand brushed mine. I had to turn away and started to mover to the door. I was trying not to make any sudden moves when I felt a hand on her wrist.

I think I may have preferred stepping into a cage at the Zoo right about now.

"Remus, who is this lovely girl?" Sirius stood, still holding my wrist and offering his seat to me. I feel as if I am the only girl who's stomach would turn at Sirius' touch, and not in a good way.

I didn't take the seat, I simply removed myself from his grip and turned my attention to the still red Remus, "I'll see you in potions, Remus."

I turned and left, nearly sprinting down the corridor trying to get away from that compartment. If that was a Lion's den, I just nearly excaped with my life, didn't I?

I need to get back to my own compartment anyhow, I think I left my book on one of the seats. I honestly thought it would have taken longer for me to will myself to even knock on their compartment door. Even if I was going to run right after doing so.

**A/N This is the new first chapter, if you read the old one you should know that it's significantly different then the original. Before you ask, no, I did not remove Remus' POV from this altogether, it will simply be a part of the next chapter or (if I can, and I hope I can) it will be a chapter all it's own. **

**What do you think of the re-vamped first chapter?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Remus' POV**

Courtney changed over the summer and not in a bad way. Her hair seemed longer then the year before, it could have been the lack of frizz though. She also seemed to have _ahem _grown in a few places in the past three months. She lost weight (which may have explained the growth), not that she needed to. Her eyes looked brighter than they had before we left for break. Like she had a secret she was proud of.

She was sitting across from me, one of her legs curled under herself, not paying attention to the Head Girl, as if she ever did. Her eyes were on the brink of glazing over; her hand was still playing with the vile around her neck. She had been doing it since before I sat down, only stopping to mark a page in her book and set it beside her on the bench.

The movements of her hand kept dragging my eyes lower. To her muggle shirt, it was cut low, exposing the tops of her breasts to my view...

I need to think of something else, anything else but her and exactly how low cut the shirt really was. Or her hand so close to the neckline, brushing against her collarbone… She had always been beautiful, even if other boys didn't seem to pay attention to it.

When the Head Girl was done talking about what to look out for this year, we started piling out, some of us nearly almost getting knocked down by people who couldn't wait to get back to their friends. Except for Courtney, she started reading her book again, not even sparing the rest of us a second glance as we caused a small stampede to leave.

I should stay, I really should. I should talk to her more about her summer, about potions. But I don't think I'll be able to control myself for that long alone in a room with her. The door closed, with her sitting next to me, or maybe even on my lap…our bodies touchi—the full moon is coming up, did you know that?

Do you know what kind of _u__rges _you get when you're a werewolf and it's almost the full moon? You start to feel like your entire body is on fire when you're alone with something you want. And what I want right now is Courtney.

"Hey Remus…are you okay?" I looked at James, I had reached the compartment without really paying attention to getting here, but I wasn't moving in yet. I was just standing there, looking at the window on the far wall. I think I may have even growled a little bit. Then I noticed that my bag wasn't in my hand, or on the floor where I may have dropped it in my daze.

I left it in the prefect's compartment.

Where Courtney was.

Alone.

In a room.

Alone…

"Yeah, I forgot my bag in the prefect's meeting." I sat down and stared out the window, watching as the green flew by in a blur. The view of the country side should be a beautiful one, but it goes by so fast you don't really get a chance to enjoy it.

"Go back and get it then" Sirius said from his seat across from me while he shuffled cards, not really looking at me. He always concentrated extra hard when playing any sort of muggle game.

"I'll just get it later." I had decided, I don't want to be alone with her just yet. I need to be able to think about her alone without my breathing getting harsher.

Peter was biting his lower lip, looking scared as he usually did, as if something was going to attack him from behind at any given moment. His eyes though, where focused on Sirius' hand movements.

The door was open, inviting the world into whatever we would talk about on this trip. This isn't unusual or anything, but it had always been a pet peeve of mine, who's business was it what we had to say?

I watched the world and blocked out my friends and their conversations about which girls they where planning on hitting on and what pranks they where planning on playing. Instead I lost myself in my thoughts, willing my mind to give me something vanilla to focus on.

I remember when I first met Courtney, we where in our third year and Professor Slughorn partnered us in potions, I can't say I was too excited to be separated from my friends but we've been partners ever since. I remember it almost perfectly though, she didn't talk for three class periods and didn't look at me for two. She knew what she was doing, knew what to cut and when to add it, so we started to study together for other classes. She was really bad at Transfiguration and she only scraped by Defense while Charms and Astronomy have never been my strong points.

I can tell you all of the moon phases without batting an eyelash, but I couldn't tell you what stars make up constellations to save my life.

She helped me in a way that James, Sirius and certainly not Peter could. When we both made prefects fifth year, we started doing our patrolling together. I have to admit, I had a small crush on her, something about the way her touch felt when she needed to get my attention, maybe. Or the way she smelled. But I could never act on those feelings, I could hurt her.

I could kill her under a full moon. She wasn't like the guys, she couldn't transform into an animal to stay safe.

Not like it mattered anyway, she wouldn't want me. Not now, not when she looks the way she does. She's going to have boys (and a few girls) begging for her attention this year.

And I'm an awkward boy with too many scars.

I saw her staring at the one on my shoulder today before the prefects meeting, she's never asked me about them. But I have seen her staring before, and I know that look of curiosity she has. I've seen in more times then I care to count.

It is a little annoying that I'm wont be able to touch her without….

Why did she have to go and change?

"You know the dreamy looking-off-into-the-distance face really suits you, Moony" Sirius was smiling at me, the other two had disappeared, he was sitting across from me. Now wearing his school robes, his shirt untucked and his hair even more messy then it was when we first arrived on the platform this morning.

"When did you change?"

"Like, thirty minutes ago" He said as James and Peter walked in, laughing about something or another, and sitting down.

"Peter and I where going to pick up your bag, so you could change…" James started, his eyes catching an all to familiar glint in them "are you afraid of a girl, Remus?" The comment made me blush. Am I?

I'm avoiding her because I'm afraid I wont be able to control myself if I'm alone with her. It's fear which so happens to be caused by her, but I am not afraid of Courtney. Besides, the last thing I need is to be expelled for attacking a female student.

So, yes, maybe I am a little bit afraid of her. I'm afraid of the fact that she smells like violets and wild roses. I'm afraid that every time I smell that particular scent, I want to pounce.

I'm afraid that she'll why know its happening.

I'm afraid that she won't like me.

Their laughter at my lack of a response made my cheeks turn a pale pink. Then, a soft knock and that smell, her smell, overwhelmed me. "I think you forgot this in the prefect compartment" she said, her voice hitting me like a bludger and the pink turning darker.

I can't look at her. Or move. Or breathe properly. She took a step in and held it out to me, so I reached for it, half blind from my inability to look up from the very interesting patterns on the floor. My hand met hers, we touched for barely a second and then I took it from her.

She was leaving, and I dared a breath. One that caught in my throat when Sirius stood up. This was going to be bad.

He grabbed her wrist and I automatically I see red. He was offering her his seat and saying something to me.

I think my hand is bleeding; I'm clenching my fists so hard I can't even feel my fingers anymore.

As she moved away from him, I let go of my palms, the crimson liquid pooling in the small cup of my fingers. "I'll see you in potions, Remus" her voice is soft, almost scared while she walks away.

Sirius stared at her ass as she went.

I hit him. Hard. I can tell because he started coughing, grabbing his stomach and bending over. I didn't even realize my fist had clenched itself again until I felt the fabric of his shirt against my knuckles. In my defense; she's mine. And he cant ruin her like he does everyone else, she would be a horrible potions partner if she was only thinking of him.

I love him, he's my best friend, but he can't ruin _her. _Anyone else, I don't care, he could use his lines to pick up Slytherin's if he wanted to. But he can't ruin Court.

I shouldn't care and I shouldn't have hit him, I realize this beyond the cloud that had formed in my brain somewhere between him standing up and then his eyes trailing her while she left. I know it was wrong and that he'll be angry at me for a week and a half, but I can still smell her and all I can think about is how I just don't want him to have her.

"Sorry." I forced it out and nearly ran from the compartment, I had to get away from him. This moon is driving me insane. But instead of getting away from everyone, I ran directly into Courtney. She was still moving down the hall and I literally ran into her and succeeding in knocking her into a wall.

So now I'm pressed against her while she's pressed against the door of the prefects compartment, my vision starts to get hazy and all I smell is her. I'm not looking at her, I'm just trying to gather the will to move from the her.

Trying and failing, mind you. I can't move, in fact, I start to lower my head. I just needed to smell her a little more, maybe taste the pale skin of her neck...

"Remus!" I looked at her, our faces almost level but she was gaping at me Her eyes wide and rounded in shock. Was it because I ran into her? Or was it because I haven't moved? Or it could be because I'm har—OH MY GOD, SHE CAN FEEL MY…ON HER….

I jumped from her and landed with my back against the door of the compartment on the opposite side of the hallway and ran back down the hall, to the bathrooms.

I need to change, and I need to calm down.

And I need to get her off of my mind.

* * *

**A/N: Looks like Remus' POV went from being a small segment in the first chapter into it's own. Which makes me very happy, this is important and I sort of flew through it the first time I think. **

**So, thoughts? Feelings? Liking this or no? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Courtney's POV  
**

The dungeon has always been cold and dark, and I've never been completely positive that the wooden desks aren't rotting away slowly. Of course I can't seem to think of anything else right now other then sitting down and promptly falling through and damaging my tailbone while I'm waiting for the rest of the class to file and take their seats.

Everyone, including myself, is thinking about the most important question of the year so far: here do you want to sit for the rest of the year? Near the door, the window? I decided on the middle, as literally as I could, I chose the middle table in the middle of the room. I had been in this seat for three years, and soon Remus would sit next to me. I will somehow ignore the scene from the train playing and replaying in my mind.

I think we've been avoiding each other for the past few days, so, we should be fine now…

I hope.

The chair next to mine creaked and I want to look up—I really, really do—but I can't bring myself to. I can't look up because I can place this smell, mint and sandalwood, it was Sirius Black. Most girls think he's the hottest thing since the sun but personally I think he plays off that 'bad boy' vibe way too much for me to have any real interest in him. Yes, he is handsome. Although I'm sure everyone who is reading my mind will agree without a moment's hesitation that I like the 'dangerous-on-a-full-moon' types.

What can I say? I have high standards and not just anyone will do.

"So, are you going to tell me your name?" Sirius said, turning his body to me completely. He had one of those 'I-know-you-want-me' smirks that I'm sure would have any normal girl swooning. It had me looking around trying not to be uncomfortable while simultaneously looking for the wolf. You very rarely see a Marauder enter a room without at least one of the others close behind.

And today was no exception. Reamus was two desks behind, sitting with James Potter and laughing about something. And this fact stung. Like a sharp pain in my stomach. A fast shooting shock, really.

Am I really so horrid that he can't even sit next to me as he's done for three years? I'm not the one who pinned the other to a compartment door and didn't move. Nor am I the one who got turned on, or at least no one else can feel such things in my case. Was everything going to change now? Are we not going patrol together anymore? What about studying? Will he not want to anymore, with me at least?

"I'm Sirius Black, if you didn't know" Sirius' voice was like a cat rubbing against velvet, "Remus may not have mentioned me?" I looked at him directly, but I couldn't really make out colors right now.

I'm fucking ridiculous.

"I know who you are" I replied while I started turning the vile around in my fingers moving my head to look straight. Who was I kidding? I've barely changed, certainly not enough for what I felt against my stomach on the train to be more then a fluke. Or even enough for him to begin to think of me the same way I've thought of him.

I don't know what's more pathetic, me caring so much that he wont talk to me, or Kelly looking like she wants to kill because Sirius is talking to me.

Kelly is my roommate and maybe my only friend who shares a gender with me. She has also been in love with Sirius ever since he helped her pick up her books from the floor during forth year. I find it funny, since he _actually _doesn't even know she's alive. Which is her own fault, mind you.

She gets so scared when he's even within five feet of her that she runs away. One time she ran out Charms class. Sometimes she even runs into things in the process. But, once she is safely in the dorm, she gets these dreamy eyes while she talks about a prank he's pulled or the latest **whore **he's dating.

Because, according to Kelly (and you can guess how sound her logic is), they're all whores.

"So, if we're going to be partners this year, I'll need to call you something" His eyes where on my chest, I could feel them looking directly at the spot where I had left two buttons almost. I started to fumble with the vile a little faster.

"Courtney" I replied while looking for something to focus my eyes on. He mouthed my name, as if committing it to memory, like it would be hard to remember. It's such a common name, its crazy to assume that you _wouldn't _remember it. Honestly. "Your the prefect…" I stopped listening, and he stopped talking, he simply turned to the front with a smirk on his face, tapping his quill on the table.

_Tap. Tap. Taptaptap. Taptap. Taptaptaptap. Tap. _

It was rather annoying.

"I remember you, you know" his voice caught me off guard, I was trying to block out his constant tapping. When it was replaced by the sound of his almost-equally annoying voice, I turned to him. He was still facing forward, "we where sneaking back to our tower one day and you and Remus where sitting against the wall." His eyes darted to look at me, not turning his head, "I remember, because he didn't get in until nearly four."

I remembered that, because we where talking about my mom, and his, and other people in our families that nearly dove us over a bridge. It was forth year, we had been out late mapping the stars. I was _almost_ positive that he was going to tell me about being a werewolf, but he didn't.

We only went back to our common rooms because I fell asleep on his shoulder. It was the first time I realized that, even with all the scars, he really was cute. Only now, it's more like, he's handsome and attractive and I was crazy to ever just call him 'cute'.

"I don't remember" I'm usually a horrible liar, but it was easy to do with Sirius. I doubt he expected the truth from me anyway, so why would I give it to him? But still, he snorted in reply, and reminded me vaguely of when a dog sneezes, short and harsh.

Professor Slughorn came into the room and, as jolly as he could be, and started talking about how exciting N.E.W.T. level potions can be, and how much fun we would be having.

Because my idea of 'fun' is sweating over a cauldron, brewing potions that will never come in handy. Take for instance what I like to call the "bad-ninja potion". At first glace it could be quite useful—it makes your skin act like that of a chameleon's—but a side effect that you can not avoid is uncontrollable laughing When will that help anyone?

I think even he said it with sarcasm dripping from his words. Which makes me almost crack up, I say almost because I'm not sitting with someone who would be thinking that like I usually was during potions, so I'm not going to embarrass myself by doing so.

He isn't going to give us homework, personally, I think he just doesn't want to grade anything right now; everyone is still kind of in the weekend/summer mind set. I'm actually kind of glad that we arrived on a Friday night, who wants to do _school _work the day after they arrive at school, really?

That is not why we came here.

"OW."

I heard my neck crack I looked up so fast, which made what I did so for all the more annoying. Sirius was holding the side of his head and a small piece of rubble, like a small chunk of the brick floor, was sitting on the table. I turned around and saw James laughing as if it was the funniest thing he has seen in all of his years, and Remus just looking angry.

The fire in his eyes actually scared me, is this what his eyes look like when he changes?

"Are you all right?" I started to examine the small bump growing directly under his hair and the took the moment right after to turn and look at Kelly. She was-almost literally-fuming at me for touching _her _man (Because he's really hers when he doesn't even know who she is, right?).

"Am I bleeding?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes at this; he had this puppy dog look on his face and a smirk playing at his lips. "You'll live" I said in the driest voice I could muster. I turned to the parchment that I had pulled out before class started and began writing a note to Kelly telling her to get over it and informing her that if I wanted to be played I would ask someone to Transfigure me into a Chess piece. I debated on whether or not to add that if she wanted to trade places, I have no problem sitting next to Alice for the entire year.

I'm not going to, though.

"Can you pass this to the girl next to you?"

He looked at me as if I where speaking a foreign language but he slowly handed it to her. I thought she was going to pass out as he whispered 'hey, you, girl…uh…Ravenclaw?' as if it was the most romantic thing he could ever say to her

Like he just professed his love for her and they where passing notes to plan the wedding.

She really is crazy, so much so that she makes me feel sane.

"Here" He seemed scared when he passed it back to me, which I don't blame him for. She was looking at him with these big glazed over eyes that made me pretty sure I didn't want to read this note.

Slughorn was talking to a student, intently, about something or another—I'll personally put money down on the fact that his father is the owner of something or his aunt developed something that is now very important to the wizarding world.

_**I hate you, I don't care at all about whether or not you THINK you want him. How could you not, what?, like any of the other Marauders are worth drooling over…**_

This pissed me off, first of all, the Marauders aren't the only boys in the entire school—contrary popular belief—and Sirius Black really isn't the hottest of the Marauders anyway. That, of course, is…well, like I need to say his name over and over in my head. I'm not nearly as crazy as she is. I'm telling her that too, minus telling her who I think the hottest one actually is.

I gave the note to Sirius and he sighed and placed it in her awaiting hand. She was blushing, as if the look in his eye was him flirting with her. If his 'don't-kidnap-me-kill-me' look is flirting, then I haven't missed out on anything when it comes to dating.

I wonder sometimes if Remus has ever had girlfriend, or a crush, or anything along those lines. At one point I worried for him, in case he had a stalker like Kelly of his own. We never talked about relationships with each other during our nightly talks on prefect duty. But, we weren't those kind of friends, you know? The kind who share the _intimate _parts of our lives with each other; we have talked about our families and about our friends. Our summers, but never our feelings.

I wonder why that is…

_**If not the bad boy next to you, then who prattle, is? Mr. James Potter, perhaps? Or the mysterious Remus Lupin? Please, tell me it isn't poor Peter?**_

I need different friends; less superficial and less obsessed with Sirius black would be nice. I'm not even going to respond to her, this is silly. Why is it that the only thing anyone ever wants to talk about, good or bad, is the Marauders, like they are the only things that ever happens in Hogwarts.

When Christina Macalbee got pregnant last year it was almost as if it never happened, because three days after her mother sent a howler during the Halloween feast, pretty much divulging the entire letter she send home the week before, the Marauders _l__iterally _blew up the prefects bathroom trying to scare Severus Snape.

That was the talk of the month while Christina packed her bags and left for some school that takes in "loose girls" (as her mother put it in the howler) her friends talked about how funny it was that no one was allowed down that corridor for nearly a week while they tried to fix everything back to its usual state. I felt a little bad for her, but neither of these things bothered me much, there weren't that many girls in my year in Ravenclaw, so I have very few reasons to use said bathroom. Of course, Sirius and James still aren't allowed near the prefect's bathroom—even though James is the Gryffindor quidditch team captain.

Personally, I find this hilarious.

"So, what's your next class, Courtney?" I had been staring at this note for nearly five minutes, so Sirius' voice pulled me out of the small daze I was in. I really need to learn how to not drift off; I miss important things when I do. Like the entire welcome back speech, and a lot of my assignments last year. Now, because it's obvious that I was spacing out and not at all into the note that I wasn't even writing anymore, I have this kid talking to me again.

I liked it better when he has that scared look on his face, it was funny.

"Uh, transfiguration" I said, even though it came out a little slurred because I'm biting my lower lip. I can feel eyes on the back of my skull, I should be scared, or worried, or curious, but really, I'm just annoyed. He nodded, and my hand went directly to my necklace, and I swung the vile from one side to the other, trying to ignore both Sirius and the eyes.

"Remus has that, I'm not taking it. What about after that?" I'm caught between being annoyed with Sirius' questions and anxious about the bit of information I was just given. My breath was caught in my throat; he was going to be there?

Would he want to sit with me then? No? Maybe?

He does know how horrid I am at that subject, if it weren't for him I never would have made it to N.E.W.T level, I was surprised that I even _passed _the O.W.L, let alone with an 'E'.

I was preparing myself for a T, to be honest.

"Uh, its uh…" I cant breath, really, I need water, I need something… I need to calm down. I almost started coughing. Almost.

I think that him not sitting with me this year means he doesn't want me as a friend anymore. "Free period" I think I whispered that, I don't know if I actually said anything, really…. I meant too either way.

"Are you okay?" He actually looked concerned, and the raccoon look was back for a moment, which made me burst into laughter. The kids around me stared, looked up from the meaningless things they where doing during this _pretty much _useless period.

Who was he to wonder weather or not I was okay? No, Sirius, no I am **not **okay. I'm just as fucking psycho as Kelly and who knows, maybe, just maybe, I seem as crazy-stalker as she does—and is by the way. And maybe everything this year _isn't _going to be better, because obviously, so far, everything I thought would happen, everything I hoped would happen, wont.

And I'm stuck with you as a potions partner for the entire year because your friend is an idiot.

I nodded, opting to save my complete mental break down for at least the second day of school. When the bell rung, I left. Meaning I ran out of the room still having trouble breathing. I almost knocked Remus down during my top-speed getaway.

Bastard.

**A/N: When I pulled this up, it was seven pages long. When I started editing, adding, and changing things and by the time I finished just this part of the original chapter, it was 11 pages. So, I again cut it off at Remus' part and will be making it into it's own chapter and/or part of the next. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Remus' POV.**

"First class of the day." Sirius walked next to me as if we have been talking since the train, which, we haven't. He didn't want to talk to me first, either because he didn't want to get hit again or because he still thinking of a reason as to why I would hit him. And I don't want to talk to him because he's still talking about 'that one hot girl' from the train as if she was one of his little followers.

She isn't, and she wont be.

So when he went to talk to some girl in the hallway before class, I sat next to James for a moment. I was trying to prolong this before I would sit with her and talk to her like the train incident never happened. I had been going back and forth in my mind all weekend trying to decide what to do.

Pretending like it never happened seems to be the best choice.

I made the mistake of telling James the train story the night before when he asked me why I was stressing so much over a class I always did well in. And after many questions as to why I hit one of my best friends. He thinks its funny and is spending as much time as he can making sure I do not forget it.

"Remus, do you think Sirius is ever going to fall in love?" I'm not sure if it was James asking in a voice that said he was serious, or the question in and of it self, but either way it made me burst into laughter. Which was soon followed up by James doing the same thing. Because of this, I missed Sirius walking in and sitting next to Courtney.

Which made me instantly angry.

To make matters worse we're right out of hearing distance so, I don't even get to know what he's saying to her. But I can see the smirk that he has on, and that she's playing with her necklace. I can see his eyes are getting closer and closer to her chest. This isn't going to do.

No. No, it will not.

"So, are you not speaking with our dear Padfoot because of this girl?" James asked, following my glare with his own eyes. I shook my head, no, Courtney isn't the reason I'm not talking to him. I'm not talking to him because I'm tired of how he always acts around girls, as if they have no feelings, or that they don't matter…

But I'm lying to myself, aren't I?

"Maybe." Maybe meaning I'm pissed that he took my seat with her. That he took the one time I have to be near her where there are people are around and therefore making it harder for me to let my mind wonder to what she would look like pressed against one of these god awful wooden tables.

Yes, I am not speaking to him because of her, because I'm worried about her and because I like her.

Yes, I like her. And shut up, because I have liked for a while, I just did a better job of ignoring that when she didn't look like…that.

Then—thank god—Professor Slughorn came into the room, he doesn't really like it when Sirius tries to pick girls up in his class, so he wont be able to put his 'moves' on her and make her swoon and then, in turn, make me loose any chance with her that I ever had.

Not that I ever really had a chance.

Which says what about this situation? That I wont date my friends 'ex's' or that I have no chance with them after he has stuck his claws into them like a crazy sex obsessed vulture? I wasn't really listening to what Slughorn was saying but when people started to do whatever they wanted it pretty much told me that he wasn't really ready to start this year yet.

Neither was I.

Not with so many well connected people in one room, oh no, no, no, he must find out how everyone of those people's summers where. Along with whichever relative has made them worth knowing.

So I'm watching Sirius, because I don't trust him, and his eyes are locked to her chest, and she's just kind of sitting there letting it happen.

Why is she letting it happen?

Why isn't she stopping him?

Then, my foot moved a piece of loose brick so I, as nonchalantly as I could, removed said piece of brick. It's like the universe was screaming at me to stop this. To stop him.

So I threw it at Sirius' big fat head.

It hit him on the side of the head, making James go into a fit of hysterics and Courtney to look back. When her eyes caught mine they turned to slight fear and she turned back her attention to Sirius who was rubbing his head.

Oh perfect, I made it easier for her to fall for him.

I'm going to sleep for the rest of the class. I never sleep in class, but fuck this entire situation.

I didn't want her to care about him. I didn't want him to have her. She's mine.

Maybe that's just the wolf talking, maybe it's because of her scent. Whatever the reason, I cannot watch this anymore.

When James woke me up a few minutes before we were to leave for our next class the first thing I saw was the look on her face, like she couldn't breathe. I was almost out of my seat to go to her, to make everything better when she started laughing.

It wasn't her usual laughter, it was strained and like she was forcing it out because it was the best way to breathe. But still, when she started to leave I stood in front of her, tried to stop her from running away, but she just pushed passed me.

"What happened?" It came out of my mouth as a growl, it made a few people turn including one girl who looked like she was almost going to stand in front of Sirius to protect him from the look I was giving him.

"What are you talking about?" He responded, his eyes already following a girl out of the room.

"What happened with her?" I could see red, I knew I was getting past the point of reasonable anger, if I was ever there to begin with. I would have hit him again if James hadn't have pulled me out of the room.

I need to get control of myself. If it wasn't for her scent, the soon to be full moon, and the way her hand hand brought my attention to her chest, I wouldn't be feeling like this.

**A/N: I like that I added more to this then there was the first time around, one of the things I regret with this story was that I didn't really add enough of the violence that Remus felt towards Sirius just from him being around Courtney.. **

**What do you guys think about the revamp so far?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Remus' POV**

I felt her lips before I registered anything else.

They were on my neck, her teeth were grazing against the skin and scars. My arms were wrapped around her waist. Her skin was smooth beneath my fingers in contrast to how rough mine seemed to be against hers.

She smiled down at me, her knees on either side of me. I could feel the warmth radiating off of her core, it was directly against my own. I actually forgot how to breathe the moment she lowered herself onto me. Her scent of was over whelming me.

She moved against me. Hard…Fast…Almost urgently.

I could feel my nails leaving small dents on her waist while I flipped her, moving us so that I was hovering above her. Her legs wrapped around me as if she knew it would angle everything just right. It felt so completely fantastic to be in this position with her I didn't notice that she had grabbed my neck until her lips where on my own.

I thrust myself further in response, and she dragged her nails down my back. I was sure it would leave knew scars, and it made me groan—I was sure someone would hear us then—the moan escaping from her lips didn't help matters.

I bit her, the flesh of her neck was soft and paper-white, calling to me. When my teeth touched her, she arched her back which succeeded in pulling me in deeper then I was before. My head started to spin.

She moved below me, matching my movements in race to the finish line. I was caught off guard by my own thoughts when I wondered for a moment, how she knew how to do this. How she knew how to move her body into the perfect spots.

But then she moves up, connecting our bodies so completely I couldn't tell you where either of us began or ended. The only things I knew for sure in this moment were that her necklace was cold against my chest and…

I sat up with a jolt, feeling as someone had electrocuted me awake. It was still dark and I could hear Peter's obnoxiously loud snores coming from the bed next to my own. He was half off the bed, teetering between the floor and the mattress, I was always waiting for him to fall.

Instead I slammed my head back against my pillow. This has been going on for a while—my waking up in the middle of the night after yet another dream of her. My usual morning stiffness only made worse by them. I need a shower.

I need to release the tension she caused me, even if it is unknowingly. But it which explains why Sirius is always out with a different girl. Releasing himself.

I stood in the water, the steam clouding my vision and my hand finding myself. Immediately feeling the length up and down slowly while thinking about the way her hips moved when she walked. The way her lips moved when she talked.

I leaned my head against the tile of the shower, it cooled down my forehead while I bit my lip almost causing it bleed. I can feel it, the pressure building, my release coming. So I worked myself faster, a little rougher, until the white streams jumped to the floor and started to get washed away with the water.

I was breathing heavily when the door opened, making me jump back until I was completely under the water again. I heard a small giggle filling the room—a fifth year Gryffindor that was staying in Sirius' bed tonight.

I say tonight, because it won't last long.

I'm not hungry but I'm eating toast anyway while trying not to be obvious about my watching her from across the Great Hall. She was talking to that Kandice (Or was it Kathy?) girl and playing with her necklace. Her eyes flicked over to our table and in a panic I started looking at the ceiling.

Its been six weeks and I still haven't had a proper conversation with her about anything.

Sirius has been trying to get her to spend more and more time with him, saying things like _"she'll be with me by Halloween"_ and _"have you seen her walk up the stairs…? Hot."_

He is currently sporting a black eye and a large bruise on his upper arm.

I wonder if she asks about me during Potions, or if she's failing Transfiguration. Does she still smells like violets and roses? When I saw her in Transfiguration the first night back, I wanted to sit with her, but of course Mcgonagall paired us in alphabetical order. Which means she's sitting with Jenna Rolland and I'm next to Mildred Leplley.

"Remus?" I didn't even see Courtney walking over here, but her voice was small and unsure—like a child who knocked a glass vase off of a table and watched it shatter. I didn't notice I was holding by breathe until she started biting her lip and playing with her necklace. Oh, and when James kicked me.

That helped.

"Y-" –I cleared my throat-"yes?" I looked up at her and noticed that she wore her hair down. Usually when she was going to classes she always puts it up, but today it dangled and swept around her, like a mirror of black around her pale face. I never noticed (how did I never notice?) but her lips stood out against her skin, soft bubblegum pink…

"I was wondering if maybe…" she started chewing on her bottom lip and looking around, "you could help me with transfiguration?" she seemed like she was letting out a long breath.

Like she hadn't breathed since she started walking.

"Of course." I sat up straight, and looked at her directly. I nearly fell again. She was playing with that damn vile, forcing my eyes move to look at the slight 'V' of her shirt.

"When are you free?" I cleared my throat again and Sirius sat down next to her, smiling up at her. Begging for attention like a dog.

"I have a free period after Transfiguration…" she looked down at Sirius and smiled at hi. So I kicked him and when I saw him flinch I felt pride. She tried not to giggle, so I felt even better. "When do you have time?" Her eyes wondered to the ceiling for a moment, and then she looked back at me a smile on her face.

Maybe she needed a moment to collect her self too?

"What do you have after lunch?" I couldn't see her that soon after seeing her. I need to get ready.

I need to have another shower…

I would need to calm down before being that close to her.

"I'm free" she started playing with her necklace again; she did it when she was nervous. Or bored. I don't think she's even aware of it all of the time. Just like she doesn't notice how Sirius looks at her. Or how her skirt falls around her thighs, making her legs look longer then I'm sure they are.

No-ones legs can go on forever, like hers do.

Maybe she doesn't notice my heart pounding out of my chest, its making my head ring.

The morning post came sailing into the hall, she watched, her eyes wide as owls came swooping in and dropping letters and packages onto tables and into already outstretched hands.

A coal black owl landed in front of Courtney on the table, it's eyes looked at her up and down for a moment before stepping forward. When she leaned down I could see the tops of her breasts.

It allowed her to take a the small package and letter while bowing it's head, "thank you Moonshine…" she spoke softly to the bird. Moonshine? Did she name her owl after a drink or the light of my enemy?

She leaned over and took a small piece of toast from my plate and fed it to the dark bird while saying, "go now, rest." She smiled as the bird took off, placing her mail into her bag and looking back at me. "After lunch? In the Library?" she asked. I didn't notice her waiting for a response at first because I was staring at her lips again.

Then I nodded. _Smooth._

She left, her bag hitting softly against her hip with every step.

Sirius watched her, his eyes following her legs and the sway of her hips.

I kicked him again. It was the only logical thing to do.

**Courtney's POV**

_Courtney,_

_I haven't written you yet, but you haven't written me either. I have been working so hard. To the point that I feel as if I am going to drive myself crazy trying to make this silly potion be a cure. I had been staying up at all hours, my eyes burning from staring at my notes; the dark scribbles blurring beneath my gaze. Somehow, I can image you doing the same thing while studying. But then it came to me. I'm sure in that moment I looked like you look when you stare at the moon._

_In crazed amazement, as if it doesn't happen every month, every day (Even before, when I tried to hide the truth from you, you were connected to the moon). I saw it with new eyes. Saw everything in a larger picture, a full scale model of the future. There is no cure; there is no way to get rid of the virus once it's in side, taking hold of you._

My eyes are getting foggy and I'm not sure why he's telling me this. I don't want to keep reading, I want to give into my anger and scream. We've worked for over a year to get this bloody cure.

And now I'm talking like I'm English **IN MY OWN FUCKING HEAD**. I hate this damn letter. I hate this stupid country. And I hate the damn virus.

_But why should there be a cure? Its not as if there is anything wrong with it, we both know this to be a fact. _

I never said there was, I just… I want this to work… For him, for us, and for the future. No one should have to live in fear of what is inside of themselves. I've watched that fear nearly kill strong men with guilt.

_But! (And this is the where the revelation came…) No cure, no. But a way to (how do I put it…?) simmer the beast. A way to… get rid of the scariest effects of the virus. The part where you loose yourself, have no control._

_It gives you control over the beast, that's the best way to describe it. _

_The potion (and no, you may **not **call it 'the potion of total awesomeness' or anything like that. I want a real name.) is going to make an impact… It's already making some kind of impact._

_I have to tell you, I have been getting a few letters. Letters that make it obvious that not everyone effected wants this to work. They don't all feel like I (or any of our friends) feel about the subject. They like the chaos they bring, like children who are angry at society for them not getting an ice cream cone. _

_Do not get that worried look on your face, don't you have class soon? But, it'll be okay, because soon, the controversy will be considered on weather or not it works to the best of its abilities for everyone._

_Well, for everyone who wants it, that is. _

_Besides, it works. Which is all that matters._

_I love you like the moon,  
Dad. _

I was smiling. I know because Sirius was looking at me like I was crazy. Why does everyone always seem to think it odd when I'm happy? "Letter from your boyfriend?" he asked, which caused me to roll my eyes.

No. Not even his stupid comments could upset me right now. It works, it does what we wanted it to. It gives you some control over it. My father is right, even though I'll never just say that to him, and that **is **all that matters. He was going to be okay, and so are hundreds, if not thousands, of others like him.

It may not make them better, but it would help them deal with it.

"No, my dad" said while I tried to listen to Slughorn as he talked about groups and starting a new potion project. He told us about what we're allowed to make and how long the essay would be, he talked for thirty minutes about when he was younger, oh ho, the things they where coming up with then…

It bored me really, but watching his belly bounce up and down made me giggle softly. It reminded me of Jell-O.

"What's so funny, love?" Sirius is whispered, he used a sultry—almost sensual—low voice. Making it hard for me to hold back an even louder laugh.

Is this what makes all the girls swoon? What makes Kelly close her curtains and charm her bed silent at night? A low voice and the word 'love'? As if he doesn't use this same line, this same voice, this same suave look plastered on his face.

I didn't see it, I never understood these girls here, always fawning over the Marauders (Sirius and James mostly, but Remus did have a strong following). Falling for the dark eyes they all seemed to share.

"Don't call me 'love'" I'm trying not to laugh still so my voice is a forced clam. It's harder than it looks while also trying not to show how annoying he really is on my face.

And maybe trying to piss Kelly off, and maybe get her to jump off of the Astronomy tower. That sounds horrible, but ever since the first week of school she has been angry, and this usually makes me laugh. The way she glares at me from across the breakfast table, saying things like "how **dare **you try and take him, he is mine!"

No, silly psycho, he is not yours. He is every other girl who is willing to talk to him (and willing to bang him).

A ball of crumpled paper landed on the table, after bouncing off of Sirius' head, that is, he grabbed it and straitened out the harsh wrinkles. Slughorn started talking about how we need to get into our groups, and get started. That this potion will have two parts, it is very important to our final grade of the semester and blah blah blah…

Sirius pulled me over to where James and Remus were sitting, I was barely able to grab my bag before he grabbed my arm; I nearly fell on my face trying to keep up with his large strides. Yes, Sirius Black is a rue gentleman.

I sat next to James, across from Remus. Is it wrong that I knew he could see down my shirt when I leaned far enough forward?

I feel as if I shouldn't be doing that, shouldn't be trying to get his attention like most of the girls here do… Wasn't I just complaining about this?

"So… what are we doing?" I was playing with the vile, my everywhere but the Potions room.

What should I name this? Maybe go Latin, like most potion's are, find some word that means something in ancient Rome that fits just right. Make it sound official, instead of sounding like a child named it. Like someone who made an ingenious potion named it. What would my father name it, if he had been given that option?

It needs a name that was worthy of it's use and of the headlines it should produce. A name that, when mentioned, will make people think about the great things it has done for the world.

"We're making a two part sleeping drought…" I watched Remus as he talked, I could see a scar on his collarbone, creeping from beneath the thin fabric and inching itself just into view. I wanted to touch it, to graze my fingers over the raised skin. "The sleeping potion, and the antidote" he said, whether noticing that I wasn't paying attention, or just summarizing what he had said I'll never know. So I smiled at him, and opened my book.

I'm curious; does he ever touch the scars and remember the night they happened? Do they come like flashes of a movie, watching things through your eyes that you didn't do, that you don't remember, like my father? Or does he wonder to himself 'how did I get this', not having any recollection of the incident, like my Uncle?

"How are we splitting this?" James had spoken; I never paid much attention to the way he talked. It was done lazily, as if the sentence means nothing to him. I doubt it does anyway. James Potter has no real cares in the world, what does he really have to care about? His daddy running out of money? A rift in his Marauders? Neither of those things will happen anytime soon, so I can't blame him for speaking as if nothing mattered. Because nothing does matter when you're a Marauder.

"I'll work on the antidote…" I am feeling a little like a daddy's girl by picking the potion that will help fix the problem. I was looking at the table, not really my book, but I was imagining the wood beneath it.

Rotting, rickety.

One day, I swear, it would collapse and who ever is working on a potion will be covered in it.

"I can help Courtney." Remus, always good at volunteering when no one else seemed to be stepping up to the plate to do so, though, I am feeling a bit…apprehensive about working with him. The October moon was nearly full, and Halloween was nearly here. I know how…aggressive they can get before the change takes place.

It's as if, as my father describes it, the beast is clawing its way to the top. Slow sharp gashes ripping though your soul.

I give Remus a look of sympathy, I don't mean to. It just happens.

"So, Courtney, what did your daddy want?" I turned to Sirius and tilted my head, why does he care?

Does he think that pretending to be interested in my family will make me fall too my knees and care if he wants me or not?

"To tell me something" I wrote a few notes on the antidote when I finally responded. Namely, list of ingredients that we don't have in our kits that we'll need to mail away for.

"Was it about the potion he was making?" I looked up at Remus, how did he remember that?

"Yeah…" I could feel my cheeks burn slightly.

I smiled.

He smiled back.

_I think my heart stopped beating for a minute or two._

* * *

**A/N: I would have separated this into two chapters, like I have been, but the first half was much shorter then the second and I didn't want it to be as uneven as I would have been. This turned out to be 10 pages on my word processor, which is longer then the first chapter of my novel. I kept almost everything the same in this one, just changing some words and adding a few things. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Courtney's POV**

I was sitting in the library, minding my own business and quietly re-reading my Transfiguration notes. I wanted to remind myself of what I didn't understand before Remus came to help me make sense of them. This is what I was doing when Kelly and Rachel came power-walking over to me, holding what looked to be a book.

Again, I was minding my own business.

Now, we may be Ravenclaws, but seeing either one of them holding a book (let alone being in the library) was a _little _unnerving. Besides, Rachel was very rarely seen talking to me, we hadn't gotten along since third year when she said something about my mother and in retaliation, I punched her.

She doesn't seem to enjoy my company much anymore.

"Courtney, we're worried about you" Kelly started while she placed the book onto the table, it was one of my own, and slid it over the table to me. It was an autobiography, _In The Moonlight_, it was written by a birth-werewolf who was well known in the werewolf community. He also happened to be a very good family friend.

He has been checking on our progress with the _"cure" _since the first-shot-in-the-dark brewing began.

"You shouldn't be interested in such..._people_..." Rachel's emphases on the word 'interested' made me smile but the way she said 'people' made it hard for me to hold in my laugh.

"You have a picture of him, with his arm around you, next to your bed." I was aware of this picture, ironically enough I happened to have been present when it was taken. "He's dangerous," she continued, "and you could be putting us **all** in danger just by speaking with him, let alone..." Rachel paused for a moment, moving in closer to me and ending her small tirade with a whisper, "having the hots for him."

I did laugh at this point. If only because it pissed me off. How dare these girls not only go snooping around my stuff, but have the balls to come talk to me about the people I associate with. And I do not "have the hots" for him, nor could my speaking to him have any repercussions for them. It's not like every full moon he changes next to me and runs through the castle picking off unsuspecting Ravenclaw bitches.

"How exactly," I started, turning my attention to the two girls in front of me, "is my werewolf friend a danger to you?" I leaned back in my chair, playing with my quill to keep my hand from turning into a fist. They were standing their ground and pretending like its any of their business who I do or do not speak with.

Do I need to remind anyone that I wasn't running through the halls screaming about my werewolf friend and how he is going to kill us all?

"What would your father say?" Kelly asked, trying to use my dad to make me guilty of my friends. I tilted my head to one side thinking the question over. I don't know, what would he say? "Stop bothering him, will you?," maybe, that was the first thing he said when we where talking in the sitting room while he got his notes from the study.

The very first thing he said in relation to our friendship was "get us some tea will you?," it had been a stressful night...

"He would say... 'congratulations! Go get some tea." I said it with a large smile on my face.

"Be serious, Courtney!" Rachel responded, her brown eyes growing a shade darker in her annoyed state.

"Fine" I paused, thinking of the best way to handle this situation, "my father would mind his down damn business. Sort of like the two of you should be doing." This earned me a scowl from both of the girls while Remus, with his perfect timing, walked up behind them and sat his things down on the table. He glanced at the book for a moment, but didn't let his eyes linger.

"Remus," Kelly started, "do you think its safe for Courtney to get involved with a known werewolf?" she was still scowling at me while she spoke, but ended her sentence by turning to him.

This isn't going to be good for his self-esteem. Or his confidence, for that matter.

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights with both of the girls staring at him. Waiting for him to agree completely with them and somehow convince me to never speak with my werewolf friend again.

"I'm not sure its my place to say who she should or shouldn't be friends, or more, with." Nice answer, Remus, you're only sweating a little bit.

They both, in perfect unison, groaned loudly turning on their heels 'stormed' out of the library. I think they may have rehearsed it. Maybe hours and hours after everyone else had gone to sleep, they had stayed up, practicing the perfect I-didn't-get-my-way-tantrum-storm-out.

It's a funny image, really.

Both of their dark ponytails bouncing against their backs while they turned and started stomping their feet ever so roughly against the brick floors.

"What-" he cleared his throat and tried to not meet my eyes completely "was that all about?" He sounded like he was holding his breath. So I smiled at him and pushed the book to his side of the table.

"Justin Rishkka is a family friend, and a great writer. They are worried that I knowingly speak with a "known werewolf", as they put it." I shrugged and looked at him, trying to show him that I really, truly and honestly, did not care about that small fact. Or what the girls I shared a room with thought about it.

They're both bitchy anyway. Kelly may be my only girl friend, but she's not the best of friends if there is anything that could reflect badly onto her.

"Oh..." He said while pulling out his notes. He was looking down at them for a few minutes before he started looking back at me. He looked tired, nervous.

"Here" I said while pulling out a bar of chocolate, and handing it to him. It's no Honeydukes, but it's better then nothing. "It'll help," I said when he looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. When he took it, I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

My heart always skips a beat when he does that.

"So, what did you understand in transfiguration today?" He said before taking a bite from the small bar. He was still smiling and it was almost trapping me in a trance.

"Uhm, I got that it is apparently very vital to our everyday lives to know how to change our quills into various eating utensils" I said while looking down at my own notes. I wasn't reading them, just trying to not get caught in his chocolate colored eyes. "Everything after that is very fuzzy."

He nodded, and looked like he was trying not to laugh at me.

"It wont be vital, but its good to know" he said, "if you're ever..." he paused, trying to think of a time where knowing something like this could ever be important.

"Camping?" I offered. He smiled and nodded in response before taking another bite of the chocolate.

"We'll practice it at dinner?" it seemed like it would be a statement, but he asked it as if it were a question, "you can come to the Gryffindor table.." He looked back down to the paper, but his eyes weren't moving with the words.

"Okay" my voice had decided that now was a good time to shoot up about three pitches, I wasn't speaking that loud anyway. He may not of even heard me.

"Cool.. are you patrolling tonight?" He said it without looking at me, still staring at the paper.

It was Friday, the day that most prefects are on patrol duty, it being the weekend and all. They don't want to risk any kids getting it on the a broom closet. Even if no one ever breaks them up. I mean, would you want to be the person to open the door and see two half-naked teenagers falling to the floor? In some cases with said teens still going at it because they don't fully understand that they've been busted?

I didn't think so.

"Yeah," I responded, "I have to start putting up the posters for that Ball." He nodded when I finished, but kept looking at the paper. He needs to work on his fake reading.

"Are you into Sirius?" His question caught me like a blood moon. It made me look at him, fully for the first time in nearly twenty minutes. I had been looking at him in sideways glaces.

I started laughing. I think I almost sounded like Peeves. Almost. Then I could hear Madam Pince's shoes shuffling over to the table, speed walking to the sound that disturbed her precious library. I tried to stop myself.

By the time she got to our table I was able to calm down. She looked around, frantically searching for the disturbance. While Remus and I both tried to look as if we had only been reading over our notes and heard nothing. We may have helped make her believe that she was going a bit crazy.

That would be a lovely thing to take the credit for.

"No, Remus, of all the boys in all the classes in the school, I am not into Sirius" I answered once she was out of ear shot.

I'm into you, and your a complete idiot to not have seen it by now. In fact, I am concerned for your position as the 'smart Marauder' because of this fact, I almost screamed. Instead I said, "speaking of him, how did he get the black eye?"

He looked up at me, his eyes looking into mine. As if he was surprised by the fact that is best friend was sporting a rather funny looking dark bruise over his left eye. Like this was the first time that he has heard of this new development in Sirius' life. "It was an accident" he said after a moment.

Just the way he said it, I could tell it wasn't an accident. He sounded almost proud. Whatever happened to make whomever hit him, it was not an accident.

"Sure it was," I said while looking back down, "and Peter is the bachelor of the month..." I sort of mumbled it, but it made him laugh either way.

That's good. Quite good, if you ask me.

After I had written half of my Transfiguration essay (and he corrected it) we were getting ready to leave. I was reaching for the book that started the apparent drama earlier when he said, "can I read that book?"

I tilted my head to the side, my hair falling to the table and his eyes moved down and quickly moved back up. He was trying not to let me see his eyes wondering to the small amount of cleavage I was showing. When I didn't respond he decided to clear up any confusion by adding, "the one your friend wrote?" to his previous question.

I handed the book to him without looking at it. His fingers touched mine during the exchange and caused my cheeks to turn a bright red. I could feel the fire on them and it made me want to dip my head into ice water.

I'm sure he saw, but he let it go. He held onto the book for a minute longer before dropping it into his bag. Than he went back to keeping his face turned away from me.

Than the bell tolled, signaling it was time for your next lesson, whatever that may be. In my case, it was Charms, a class I didn't have with any of the four. There were two N.E.W.T. level charms classes, one on Wednesday's and Friday's and one on Tuesday's and Thursday's. I'm guessing that they're in the second one.

We finished packing in silence. And then we walked to the door in silence. We almost went the two complete opposite directions in silence.

"I'll patrol with you tonight." It was a statement, as if he had made up his mind and that was that. I liked it. I have to admit, it was hot.

So I nodded and I walked to my class in silence, a (maybe a bit to big) smile on my lips while I sat in my seat and pulled out my things.

I can't even remember what we learned.

**A/N: I edited this with the power out and a storm raging around me while I sat on my porch and watched. It was sort of relaxing in a I-miss-my-air-conditioned-couch-seat kind of way. But, I wasn't going to break this up, then I saw that her POV was over 2000 words and if I left it, I would leave Remus to have almost no say in the entire chapter. So, again, he get's his own. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Remus' POV**

I may have forgotten to mention to my fellow Marauders that Courtney would be joining us at dinner. Well, I didn't forget, but just in case she changed her mind I didn't want everyone to know that I was expecting her.

She did come. Walked over and sat down next to me right after the food appeared. Between Sirius and I. There wasn't a plate were she sat so she grabbed Sirius' without really looking at him right as he was about to drop a piece of chicken onto it.

"Love, I would have gladly taken you to dinner" He said when he turned to see were his plate had disappeared to. She didn't even seem to aknowledge him at first, her eyes watching me.

"Oh," she started turning and looking at our resident dog, "I didn't notice you." It shouldn't have made me smile, but when she turned back to me my lips were still turned upwards.

"I've been practicing the wand movements" she said before taking a bite of her pork and turning her attention to her plate. I tried to focus on eating, really, but she was sitting so close and I can smell her hair. I just want to touch her.

After a small bit of silence (when did fifteen minutes start to feel like an hour?) we started working on the spell, everyone who had quills with them lined them up in front of her and she started.

The first quill took on the shape of a fork, but the prongs where still feathers and the tip was still usable, it looked like an awesome quill to write with, but not so much to eat with.

The second was almost a spoon, you could definitely use it to eat with, which Peter was more then happy to demonstrate with his ice cream, but you could also write an essay with it. It would come in handy if you ever need to finish a essay while eating breakfast.

The third, the attempt at a knife, was actually quite funny. I had taken her hand, placing mine over top and going through the movements with her. Again. We didn't break eye contact until the second time through how she was meant to move her wrist. But when she said the spell, my hand still on top of hers, it missed the quill and turned James' fork into something close to a knife. The prongs fused together and it's curve straightened. It was only funny because he had been eating a slice of pie and stabbed the inside of his mouth with the now sharp edge.

He turned to us, one hand against his cheek trying to console his now pain filled mouth and said "you're a Ravenclaw for crying out loud," she started to snicker and when he finished with "how can you not know how to at least _aim_ your spells?" it turned into full-blown laughter. I had to join her, it was pretty funny: James Potter brought down by a rouge Transfiguration spell.

We stopped practicing either way. Sirius kept trying to talk to her only to have her almost completely ignore him, only offering off hand remarks every so often. Usually when he had asked her the same question two or three times.

Until, of course, he felt he needed to issue her a challenge.

He pulled out his favorite quill, he had been using it for nearly four years and took great pride in it never being harmed. He wanted her to duplicate it. "But I don't think you can," he said while crossing his arms and letting a smirk take over his features. "I think you may just be useless with spells."

Courtney is a wiz at charms. She could probably turn all of the suits of armor in the school into soldiers and have them protect us against an army if she knew a spell that could do it. So after he said this she use a duplicating spell, made only one other copy.

When Sirius touched his quill, laughing and saying "one? How did you get into that house?", it duplicated again. Three more quills jumping from his own—one of them stabbing his hand. Every time someone even bumped one of the copies three more sprang forward filling the table.

We had been laughing for nearly ten minutes when James cleared his throat. Lilly was looking down at us with one of the quills stuck in her hair and demanding that she end the Charm. She did, of course, if only out of respect for her fellow prefect. She left soon after to finish some more homework before out patrol tonight.

I let my eyes follow her out of the Great Hall. I wasn't watching her skirt inch up when she walked. But when I saw Sirius watching her as well, I punched him in the arm.

It could have been over an already existing bruise.

I was sitting on my bed, waiting for ten o'clock roll around so I could go down to the third floor and meet Courtney for rounds. We're only meant to patrol until twelve. Which seems silly, rounds only until midnight on a Friday? But, you know teenagers these days, they can't stay up that late.

Of course, waiting leads to thinking. And for the first time in weeks it's not about sex. I was thinking about the situation I walked into at the library earlier today.

Her friends are really angry about her even knowing a werewolf (well, being aware that she knows), but if it is a family friend then her father must not care much about it.

But he would more then likely have a different reaction if she were dating one.

"Oi! Moony! What are you doing?" James stuck his head in through the curtains of my bed, looking as if he might be scared of what he'd find. I don't blame him, we once opened the curtains to Peters bed to find him naked from the waist down with his hand on something I'd rather not picture.

Not to mention the number of times Sirius just didn't close his curtain when with different girls.

"Thinking," I replied after a minute or so.

"About her?" He asked, I shrugged in reply. Yes, it was about her, in a way. It was more about if she'd care about what I am? If I told her, would it change anything? I know it would matter to her friends. And maybe to her father. Her father has a right to be afraid though, not just of me but of any boy. Courtney is his only daughter, his only child.

"She has this family friend," I started while picking up the book and tossing it to James. While he read the cover and started turning it over to see the back, I finished, "he's a werewolf."

He looked up and started examining my face. He was trying to read my mind. Attempting to pick up on the things that were running through my brain.

"What does she think of it?" he asked after a few minutes.

I shrugged, again. I had to think about the answer because I didn't know. She seemed okay, like it wasn't a big deal. Like she grew up around it and no longer bothered her—if it ever did.

"She seemed," I paused, letting out a breath, "completely okay with it." James rose his eyebrows, not asking for more information, but I offered it anyway, "I think she's grown up with him."

He looked at me like I was crazy, his eyes saying what he was thinking. Why would her parents let her grow up around that?

He nodded though, opting to read the back rather then elaborate on what was going through his mind.

I like the book so far. I've only read the first few pages but I love how he starts the book.

"_I. Am. A. Werewolf. Yes, I change into something dangerous and terrifying once a month. Like every woman in the world, only, mine only lasts a night..."_

I found it funny and maybe in a strange way, comforting that he wasn't scared to just say what he was. To joke about it as if it where childhood nick-name that once hurt his feelings and now he can laugh about all these years later.

Not like it was a condition. A virus in his DNA one that made him forget what he is. Who he is. He didn't say the word like it held everything that it did, mostly, fear. Fear of hurting the people you love. Fear of killing them.

"I think I'm going to ask her to the Halloween ball" I said, mostly wanting to change the subject. He looked at Sirius' bed, like he was checking to see if the dog was there or not, hiding in his bed, listening to the world move or reading one of his muggle magazines.

When he finally did look back me he said, "Sirius is going to ask her as well."

I smiled because it wouldn't matter. She isn't interested in him, she said so herself. Of course now I realize that she isn't interested in me either. I should rethink this entire thing.

Should I continue to pursue this not-relationship that wont happen? Or should I just find a girl that does like me and just... go with that?

Settle?

"She likes you though." He was flipping through the book and said it like it was common knowledge. Like he was telling me that giants would terrible at hide and seek while visiting munchkin land.

I looked at him and considered taking him to the Hospital Wing fore he had clearly gone insane.

Courtney? Like me?

Yeah, that's funny.

And hurtful.

It's not nice to lie to your friends. She doesn't like me. I can tell you that much, she would have said something. Done something to show me that she was interested.

Which she hasn't.

I would have noticed. I notice everything she does.

Like when she tilted her head earlier and her hair moved to one side, I noticed the small charm now sitting next to the vile on her necklace. It was a full circle and a dark gray with a black shadow playing over it. It reminded me of a moon. There were also words etched into it in a soft glowing silver.

"I have to go meet Courtney" I said, I couldn't sit and here and continue to think about her. I had to see her. I got up, leaving James sitting on my bed and passing Sirius while he snogged some girl in the Common Room. She looked like a fifth year, but barely. I _accidentally _ran into them and caused him fall which got him slapped when he grabbed her breast to steady himself.

He is not going to ask her to anything, just in case.

**A/N: Four down, ten more to go! What are you guys thinking so far?**


	8. Chapter 8

_Courtney,_

_How is my little rose? Have you thought about the proposal for Christmas? Dr. Sentchle thinks it is a good idea for me to see you, and she thinks it will help you understand everything that happened, and why. She thinks it's good for everything that will be happening in the future._

_I don't want you to spend so much time with your father in his little potion room and around all of the monsters that he surrounds himself with. I'm your mother and before I know it you'll be making all the same mistakes that I did._

_Trust me, darling, you cant fix them. You might believe that it'll be easy to deal with it: its only once a month right?, it's not worth what it does you to as a person, sweetie._

_Have you looked through the photo album I sent? I think you'll really like the pictures. Not all of them are bewitched, but they're still great memories of before everything happened. There's a picture from right before we left for England. Sometimes I still cant believe your father agreed to England, and not going back to Russia._

_Has he ever taken you there? I know he loved those crazy winters and I think he has a deep compassion for those hats. He took me there when you where ten, do you remember? You stayed with his brother for a few weeks while we went there on a honeymoon. We never went on one when we first got married. I can't believe I left you alone with his brother. He's like your father, did he ever tell you? But we where so different back then..._

_Do you miss me, at all? All alone in that big castle, I know you miss your father like mad, but do you ever think of me? Even for a moment? "Oh, mother would have loved that" perhaps? I cant blame you if you don't, I wouldn't miss my mother if she where a like I was. But now look! You're almost all grown up! You've grown up right, right? _

_And I helped, you know. I really did try._

_I love you, don't forget that,_

_Mother._

**Courtney's POV**

My mother is a junkie.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of that. Like when she writes me letters and sends me photographs and sounds so sober. There are four pages of us at Woodstock in the album she sent. I don't remember it, really, but we all seemed happy. Or as happy as we could have been at the beginning of her fall. She didn't even look strung out, but I'm sure there she wouldn't be.

I went to see her a few years ago when I was fourteen. I remember this visit vaguely, like trying to see a house in a deep fog. She gave me a hit of acid and then too me to walk around central park. We looked at the punks (I can remember their leather jackets and spiked hair) and the hippies who still roamed the park.

I told her that I missed her, and that I hoped she would get better, but then I saw a bright green elephant and I thought it was chasing me. So we went home.

She didn't get better. Maybe if I hadn't seen that stupid elephant then she would have cared about what I was saying. Maybe she would have cared about the fact that whole reason why she wasn't allowed at our house in England was because of how she acted. Because she wouldn't get help. Because she didn't care about us when she needed her drug. Because her drug has always been more important to her then anything else.

That maybe, if she hadn't have gotten knocked up and ran away to America to elope with my father when she was eighteen, she might never have turned into the person that she did. If she hadn't have had me, she might have been able to keep her mind straight.

Might have been able to keep her head above the murky water of the sixties.

My father told me when I was thirteen that my mother had "a problem" and that's why she wasn't around anymore. He told me this after a year of me hating him for getting rid of her.

I try not to remember when I saw her high.

Because she was never real when she was. She looked almost dead. And when she didn't have it, she looked like a broken doll, scared and shaking. Almost like she couldn't breathe without it. When she was like that nothing could cheer her up, nothing ever made it better.

We tried the hospital, rehab, forcing her sweat it out. Not even magic could keep her free from the clutches of evil that she placed herself in.

My grandmother once told me that she wont stop, no matter what we do, because she doesn't want to. I remember asking her if my mother would stop for me—because she loves me and it's hurting me, and she wouldn't want me to hurt.

My grandmother responded by telling me that my mother loves the drug much more then she loves me, or my father, or even the both of us together. She said she'd throw us into the fire to save her needle and that she'd sell us for money, if she could.

I didn't want to, but I believed her. I've seen my mother do it. Watched her as she tip-toed into my room, stole my Christmas money. I never told dad, he had his own problems with her. Everyone did. It was obvious that she cared more about the drugs then she did about us.

And this isn't to say that my father was a saint. He dropped acid and smoked weed, but he never got into the same things as my mother. He'll tell you that there is no telling how people like him would respond to drugs. While my mother dived into the sixties, head first right in front of the "no diving" sign, my father never really got in. He dipped his feet and watched as she splashed around, egging him into the pool.

I used to wonder what they saw in each other when I was younger, but now I think she just changed a lot. That she wasn't who she was when they first met and fell in love.

If she ever truly loved my father, but I think she just loved the freedom he offered her.

My grandmother was quite strict to the point of overbearing, even with me. She didn't want me to come here to go to school, said that it wasn't my place. She didn't want me to stay with my father either. She used to try and tell me that he was evil because of what was inside of him. That he would eat me like Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother if I stayed with him.

My father doesn't speak with her much anymore.

But the question remains in my mind: should I write to her? Should I tell her that yes, I got her album, and yes, I miss her? Even though I don't miss her much. I miss her the way you miss home when you take a trip around the world, you're meant to. You miss it because you're thinking about it when you pick up a post card, not because it's on your mind all the time.

My mother causes a lot of drama that would otherwise be avoided if she didn't have to 'pop' in and out of our lives like a whack-a-mole. Only, we never remember the mallets to push her back down until our turn is up once again.

I think its about time I got out of line.

I want to do something to anger her, to make her notice that I am **not **anything like her, and that I never will be.

I am not a drug addict.

And I am not in love with a werewolf.

I am not her, and it stings to know that she can see any similarity between us, even if we look almost exactly alike.

We both shared long black hair and almost porcelain pale skin. Her eyes are blue though, and mine are green. We're both quite small—men tower over us. We both have an issue with being a bit to headstrong even though we always feel like we need to prove our selves. But she is loud and outgoing, she always have been.

Most people don't know I exist, I'm like a mouse, quiet and afraid of being stepped on.

She told me once, that she would love me until the end of the world. I thinks she stopped loving me for a while when I was small. When I cried for her and she hadn't had a fix a few days. When I complained that I was hungry, and she didn't want to get up. When daddy was at work.

I don't think she loved me then.

So, we're not the same, and I say this to myself while staring at the mirror trying to pinpoint anything that was different. Looking from myself, to a picture of her holding me when I was three, and back again. Was my nose different? My lips?

If we are so alike, will I love like her?

Will I leave the people who care behind when I need to get a fix of something? Throw them out of my life like a pair of jeans only to pick them back out of the dryer when I've run out?

Will I stop loving them, when I need them most? Will I fail to recognize every destructive thing about myself until I fall into the void between my heart and my soul?

Will I fee when they show me that they love me, even after all of that?

I don't want to be her.

**Remus' POV**

I think that maybe I am not really be a man. The Ball is next weekend, six days to be exact, and I haven't asked her yet. I haven't had the guts and I've had plenty of time to find them.

We where working on the potion together, I was helping her with Transfiguration, and we were patrolling together almost every night. It was fun. Really fun, actually. We sit and talk, and laugh, until the only sound in the castle was us. Until even the ghosts were quiet and we didn't have to be worried about anyone catching us.

Yet, even after a conversation about the Ball three nights ago, I haven't asked her.

"Do it tonight, or I'm going to let Sirius ask her." James informed me this morning, before we even went to breakfast. She's at the lake, I've been standing five meters away from her sitting form for almost ten minutes, just trying to get the courage to _walk up to her._

I took a deep breath, and walked towards her. She was looking though a book, her head bowed. I couldn't see her face behind the curtain her hair made.

"Hey, Court, how are you?" I sat next to her, I'd run if I didn't.

"I'm fine, how are you, Remus?" she smiled and looked up to me, moving her hair to rest behind her ear. I loved the way she said my name, like it was something fragile that would break if she said it in a harsh way. There were photos in her lap and I watched as some moved, a young girl spinning around and around in a field of flowers, arms stretched wide and fingers spread.

"I'm fine." I said while watching another picture of women fold her fingers into a peace sign, "I was wondering if you're going to the ball next Saturday?" She shrugged, turning the page of her album, her cheeks were becoming pink while her hand moved to play with the vile again.

"Maybe, I don't have anyone to go with." She finally looked at me, her gaze making me loose control of my ability to inhale. She looked at me curiously for a moment, then and turned back to her book. Back to the picture. Bringing me back into the world.

"Neither do I." My voice only shook a little when I spoke, she nodded but didn't look up from the pictures. I was trying to see her reaction but her hair was in the way. I couldn't see anything at that point. Not even the soft blush that I could feel on her cheeks.

"We should go. Together. As friends, so we can go with people, and it not be weird." I said it fast, my words falling over themselves to get out. I could barely understand myself and I would be surprised if she did at all.

Then she hugged me. Her arms were around my neck and I could smell violets in her hair. I moved my hands to her waist. I didn't want to let go.

"Thank you" She breathed out next to my ear, if she had been even an inch away I wouldn't have heard her. Her breathe was hot against my skin and I knew at that moment I needed to get out of there.

To take a cold shower. To be alone.

"Anytime." My voice was suddenly strong, well, stronger then I expected it to be, "I'll meet you at the entrance hall? At eight?" I asked her while she pulled away, I think my voice shook again, and my hands were trembling for sure. I was trying to stuff them in my pockets so she wouldn't see.

She nodded and got up, I could just barely see her upper thighs (and maybe a small flash of orange fabric) from were I still sat on the ground. She brushed her skirt off, getting rid of any dirt or leafs that may have stuck to it, and started towards the castle.

Sirius is right, she does have a nice ass.

I will have to hit him later tonight for noticing it.

**A/N: I didn't add much this chapter other then a bit to the letter. And a few extra details here and there. **


	9. Chapter 9

**James' POV**

The Masquerade Halloween ball was tonight, and Remus looked like he would be sick at any moment. He was pale, even more then he gets the night before the change, and he was sweating. He was trying to readjust his mask, for the sixth time, as if he would suddenly look different if he did moved it a little more to the right.

It was all black just like the rest of the Marauders. Sirius and I had decided that if it was a simple and all black we wouldn't to look stupid next to any of the girls. The masks could also hide the black eye that Sirius earned for yelling at Remus and nearly starting a fight for asking Courtney to the ball.

_"How could you?" Sirius said, he didn't even closed the door before glaring over to Remus, "you get angry when anyone tries to get close to her, and you don't even care about her!" I stood up and tried to move Sirius back out the door. _

_He ignored me and kept yelling, "why cant you just let her be with someone who can show her a good time?" Oh, Sirius, what happens now is your fault. Remus stood at this point, and was standing as close to our furious friend as he could with my standing between them. _

"_You think you can show her a good time?" Remus said, his eyes where flashing gold—a sign on the wolf. "Your just doing this to be an arse to me, like you have been all year!" Sirius countered, stepping around me and directly in front of Remus. _

Then Remus hit him, he actually said sorry for that one and surprisingly sounded like he meant it. Now, if he was sorry for, once again, decking his best friend or for hitting him hard enough to give him another black eye so soon after getting over the last one.

"_If you keep hitting me people are going to think I'm trying to start a trend." _ It was funny, at the time, but I really think Remus is loosing it over this girl. She doesn't really talk to any of us and she's always looking at him out of the corner of her eye and he never seems to notice.

I think that when she hugged him, she just wanted to touch him. Like he looks for excuses to touch her.

He was fiddling with his bow-tie now, still unable to tie it, while we were walking into the entrance hall. I saw Courtney before either Remus or Sirius did. She was wearing an off white gown, the bottom flowed with black lace, there was a small design on the center of the bust and black pearls coming out from the center and draping over her shoulders. Her hair was curled at the end and framing her face. Her mask was black lace and made her eyes look brighter. The red on her lips seemed to be the only real color in her outfit.

Courtney is pretty, there is no denying that. I just don't see her with the same golden light that Remus seems to.

Thinking of Remus, I think I can hear him panting. He was still messing with the tie when she spotted us, his hand's shaking a bit when she started to move through the crowd. I decided that moving away as fast as I could would be my best bet. I had to find Peter and Sirius anyhow, we're going stag (no pun intended) so we need to get a game plan down.

I saw her tying the bow while laughing at something he was saying but still avoiding his eyes. She looked _almost_ as nervous as he did, but I couldn't see panic in her eyes, like I could his. I guess he has something more to be afraid of, he could hurt her if she was stupid enough to leave the castle on a full moon.

I know that's his biggest fear, hurting the people he cares about because he can't control himself. It's why it was so hard on him when we were younger and his temper was shorter when it came to the subject of why he was always sick.

Given enough time I really believe that they'll be together. Unless she finds out. She may have grown up around one werewolf, but she's never gotten that close to them. There is no way she could fully understand that they aren't like most men. None of us are anymore. We've been surrounded by the fear since third year; fear of him hurting us, fear of him hurting himself, fear of what people would do if they knew.

I hope she can handle it.

I have been watching them all night, or at least I meant to. I wanted to be there in case Remus needed me. He seemed to be doing fine, but it didn't completely ease my discomfort, or it wouldn't until I knew he'd be okay with being completely alone with her.

That's what I meant to happen. I MEANT to be a good friend and watch his back while he talked to the girl of his dreams, but instead I watched Lilly Evens. She was dancing with a Hufflepuff boy, and it made my blood boil. So much so I was getting hot under my shirt and needed to leave the hall and get some air.

Which is when I noticed that Remus and Courtney weren't in the hall anymore. They had been sitting at our table for over an hour just laughing and talking with each other. They looked like the world didn't exist beyond them. Beyond that table, they're hands barely touching over the cloth, but the world did exist. Everyone could see, if they cared to look into both of their eyes, pure joy.

I want this.

I want a girl to look at me the way Courtney looks at Remus, like he is the only man on Earth. The same way most girls look at Sirius. But that's a lie, I don't want just any girl to look at me like that. I want Lilly to have that look. I want her to see me as if the sun rises and sets in my eyes.

The way they look at each other.

Only, I want Lilly and I to know about it. To know how the other feels. To know that we love each other beyond everything, no matter what I may be. I don't want to feel like Remus feels, like he's pulling on flower petals trying to figure her feelings out.

I saw them through a window, they were on the steps out side the entrance doors. She was leaning against a pillar, looking up at the stars, and he was standing next to her. His hand was on her lower back (I wonder how much courage it took him to do that?). When she looked at him again she was smiling, her eyes were bright in the light. That's the look. The one were you could tell she was exactly where she wanted to be. Then she said something and he stared to laugh.

"What are you looking at?" I know that voice it was soft, sweet and as always, slightly annoyed.

"Remus and Courtney." I don't turn away when I answer, I cant look at her right now. I understand the way Remus feels when he looks at Courtney. Or if you want to get technical, he now understands how I feel when I look at Lilly.

"They aren't meant to be outside" she crossed her arms over he chest and sighed heavily while she spoke.

"But look at them, they are completely oblivious to each other." I turned to her and could see her skin raised with little bumps, "they're meant for each other."

"Doesn't mean they're meant to be outside."

"For a girl Lilly, you just don't get it" I shrugged off my jacket and handed it to her and she surprised me when she took it and swept it over her shoulders, still watching them. So I turned back to do the same.

"Are they together now?" Her voice was at my ear and I shrugged. I couldn't talk and all the words I wanted to say were caught in my throat.

"No," I said after a few minutes "they don't see it." I turned to her while I said it and looked at her but she kept her eyes glued to the scene playing out on the steps. They weren't speaking anymore just smiling at each other. She was looking up at him, and he down at her.

"We shouldn't watch this" she said while turning to me, a faint blush across her cheeks. It made her freckles stand out more across her face.

She stepped forward, her movements fluid and in true Lilly fashion, determined.

This is what I had been waiting for, isn't it? The moment that she would kiss me. The moment that after years of pining I would finally feel her lips against my own. When she did press her lips to mine, I put the same pressure back and tried to keep my hands at my sides.

But I was so nervous over whether or not she knew what she was doing, I couldn't give it my all.

**Courtney's POV**

I have been trying not to smile too much at breakfast. While the girls around me cooed about how sweet, how nice, how..._good, _their dates where. I tired not to smile. I tried not to show my udder excitement at the events that happened last night.

"_You look lovely." I blushed, and turned to face him completely and said, "you do as well." He looked down at me, his eyes caught mine and I couldn't turn away. I should turn away, I shouldn't let this happen. I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself. _

_I lost all hope of doing so when he placed his hand on my cheek and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. I leaned into the touch, I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it. My body was working of its own accord, doing exactly what it's wanted to do for over a year. It was ignoring my brain, ignoring any logical thought of putting two teenagers, two teenagers like us, in a situation were we could loose control. _

_My body decided that moving closer to him, that turning my face upwards and letting my eyes slip closed as his lips pressed against mine was the best thing to do. When I felt my skin catch on fire from it, I was no longer angry at my body. It knew exactly what it was doing. _

"So, Courtney didn't get in till late," Rachel said while talking to Kelly, even though her eyes were on me. "I'm sure she had a great time alone with Remus." Rachel had a smirk on her lips while she played with the goblet she'd been drinking from. I rolled my eyes in response and looked past her, deciding that watching the grounds from the window was the better option.

"So, how was he?" She, apparently, did not agree with me on this. So I turned to her, let my eyes look directly into hers. I could feel the prick of annoyance in my stomach.

"Not all of us are whores, Rachel." I almost smirked at her reaction, even if it wasn't one hundred percent true. Rachel is not a whore, no. She doesn't actually get paid to fuck every boy on a Quidditch team, she does so free of charge.

In her defense, they are quite attractive.

"Excuse me?" She sad while laughing, but I can see her eyes darken ever so slightly while she stands. She was going to say something and attempt to make such an exit that I'll go crazy trying to come up with an appropriate come-back. This is how she fights, offhanded but without actually breaking a nail. The girl could have been in Slytherin if she was in any way subtle about her word bombs.

"We all know that your mother is a hippie slut," she sneered down at me which was not a very good look on her. Another reason she wouldn't do well in Slytherin. She continued, "and your just like her." Then she turned away and started to the exit. I can feel the part of my father that's in my blood come alive, I've been angry before but I've had enough of her snide comments about my mother and myself.

I stood, I didn't feel myself doing so as much as my instincts were taking over. and I called after her, and she turned and walked back to me. The smirk was still on her lips.

She thinks she's beaten me.

I'm not really sure what happened next, I feel as if I am no longer in complete control of my body. I didn't really want to leap over the table and land on her.

But I did enjoy it when I hit her, every time my fist collided with her perfect skin I felt happy. Giddy, almost. I think I can hear Kelly screaming through the fog, and I know I can hear a few other sounds but I cant really make them out.

I can hear Rachel screaming just as clearly as I can feel her hands are trying to grab my hair and scratch at me like a cat. So I hit her again, this time I can feel something break beneath my knuckles.

Now, while coming out of the haze and regaining control, I'm being held by the waist. I'm not calm, but I don't struggle.

I don't want to slam this persons head in until they cant see straight. No, I have nothing against this person, they did exactly what they should have done. When I can see straight again, Rachel is holding her nose and there's blood falling from between her fingers and landing on her robes. I don't want to, but I'm not fully in control yet, so I start to laugh.

Not so much at her pain. Just the fact that she stool looks angry and smug as if she still thinks she's won something.

I'd like to see my mother do that. The woman may be loud, but she cant throw a punch to save her life.

"Miss. Rose!" I was still snickering when I heard the teachers rushing to me, all looking from Rachel to me then back to Rachel. "What happened here?" I can't help it, I start laughing again.

Well, I hit her, a few times. Shes a stupid little bitch and deserved it. If she wants to talk shit about me, fine, but she should be able to handle what happens when shes does so.

"Lapse of judgment" I responded while trying to calm my laughter, it's a simple statement that may have meant more if I wasn't in near hysterics from the "lapse".

"To the headmaster." I stepped away from who was holding me and walked as calmly as I could out of the Great Hall.

I could hear the whispers start almost immediately after I stepped into the hallway.

**Remus' POV**

I hadn't even told James about what happened the night before, I haven't had a chance. Sirius had started telling us the story, complete with graphic details, about his night with a sixth year Hufflepuff whose name he never learned. Peter was the only one who seemed to care much about it but that never stopped Sirius.

Then I smelt something that made my wolf come alive. Anger. Wolf like anger coming off of someone in waves. Sirius smelt it too because we both stopped and looked at the Ravenclaw table. There, one of the girls who had confronted Courtney in the library was looking down at her with her face twisted and almost resembling a Slytherin.

Then she started walking away and when Courtney stood the scent got stronger. The wolf was trying to claw it's way out, responding to her anger as if responding to another wolf. When the girl was back in front of her she pounced. Her movements fluid as she knocked her to the ground and started to hit her.

I think I heard her growl.

Her attack only got worse when the girl tried to pull her hair and scratch at her face, now she was protecting herself. Some seventh year grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off of the bleeding girl after a loud crack was heard. She was breathing heavy but not fighting against the person who grabbed her.

When she looked at her victim she started laughing, only calming down when she heard the teachers rushing over. I'm not sure why it took so long for them to get to her. Maybe they're not used to students getting into actual fist fights? Maybe they're not used to quiet Ravenclaw girls being the ones in a fight.

Either way, when asked what happened she started laughing again and responded while still chuckling. The rumors started flying as soon as she was out of the door.

It's not the fight that surprised me, it was her eyes when she attacked. She looked like an angry animal defending her territory. Her eyes were blazed and blackened. She looked very nearly wild.

Is it wrong I found it really hot?

"She looked like you," Sirius said, still staring at the place she was standing a minute before, "during the change." I turned to him and took in the smirk he had as he said it. It looked like he was proud of himself for figuring something out. I would have asked him about it but I was still annoyed with him and the whole _"show her a good time"_ statement he made.

"Yeah, her eyes," James joined in, "They did look like yours do. It was scary." James said with his head turned away from me, he was thinking.

I'm not sure exactly what happened between him and Lilly but something did happen. She was actually being civil to him.

"She can fight though" Peter said while he started to flip through a magazine, not stopping at anything. I didn't really want any of them talking about it, her anger did something, forced me to feel it with her. Her anger was pure and built up, like she was waiting for the moment she could let go, so I'm sure her reasons where completely valid. I'm sure she needed to do it.

It doesn't matter what happened this morning, my mind keeps floating back to last night. When we were on the steps and we were looking at the moon, watching as it moved ever so slightly.

But that's all a blur, the only part I remember vividly is the kiss.

Her lips on mine and her arms around my neck while mine were on her waist.

I remember her eyes, they were as bright as the stars last night when they were looking into my own.

That's what I'm thinking about while they talk about the fight. When they speak about how she broke Rachel's nose, I think about how her fingers curled in my hair. When they mention how she laughed about it, almost menacingly, I think about how her lips curled into a smile while still pressed against mine. They're talking about her jumping over the table, I'm thinking about how I wouldn't mind her jumping on top of me.

Maybe she **does **like me?

No, that's crazy...

It was a spur of the moment thing. That's all.

**A/N: A few things wont change about this note. 1. I'm going to leave my Thank You too rarestlove27 for the idea of using Jared Padaleki for Remus on my banner. 2. It is still linked on my profile, and you can still go look at it.  
**

**My profile is a wonderful place to get information on what I'm doing (writing wise) why I wont be updating for any reason and more detailed summaries of my stories. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I am more then willing to admit that I use Google translator in this chapter. If you happen to be from Russia, or fluent in the language, and wish to send me a grammatically correct version of what is said here, please do. **

**Courtney's POV**

"What happened?" I shrugged at my fathers question and grabbed a cookie that was just sitting on the table next to him. He was typing on his typewriter and not really looking up from his work. He didn't sound angry or even very surprised with me being home in November.

"Same question" I countered, seemed like a simple enough answer, I couldn't very well say 'she compared me to mom so I attacked her to prove that I'm nothing like that junkie slut', now could I? I think he would frown upon that, personally.

"He was attacked" he said it like it was nothing, so I assumed they where making a bigger deal about it then it needed to be. That is until he said the next sentence, the words obviously being forced out over a lump in his throat. "By a pack of werewolf's." That killed me; I really did break down and started crying.

How could they do that? Why would they? He was one of them, he knew their pain. "Its my fault." I know my father believes it, because he isn't looking at me. He always means serious stuff when he can't face me. "It's the potion. They want me to stop trying." His knuckles where almost white from how tightly he clenched his fists while talking, "they like who they are when they change."

That made me sick, I had to sit down to stop my head from spinning. It had always scared my father, the change, the not knowing what he might do, who he might hurt. These werewolves..they like it? They enjoy the destruction they cause?

"Some are like Justin, proud of it." He started, kneeling in front of me, "others, like this Greyback...he takes pride in hurting people. Kids, usually." I was still feeling sick when he wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close and tried to help calm my breathing.

"Now, why don't you tell me what happened?" he asked when I finally was calm.

I took a deep breathe before telling him the entire story, from getting in late to feeling out of control. He was quiet for a while, and he'd only asked a few questions while I told the story. I've never been able to hide things from my father, never been able to lie about anything.

"You have it in you as well" it felt like hours before he spoke, "the wolf." It's a fact, something we've always known. My father, half werewolf half wizard and my mother, pure blooded witch. The chances of me being a werewolf were slim, but it was known that I would have the same urges, the same emotional reactions to life.

"This morning your wolf side took over," there was a smile playing on his face, a glint of pride in his eyes, "my little girl finally gave into it." Then he hugged me, so tight I couldn't breath for a moment. But I loved it, I loved that my father was proud of me while most would be angry.

Waking up at 10:30 on a Wednesday morning feels quite amazing. I awoke every morning to the smell of flowers and the sound of my dad clank clank clanking away downstairs.

I'm going to visit my Uncle Tiberius today in St. Mungo's, his wife will most likely be there, and we wont speak English very much. She doesn't know it, and it upsets her when we speak English in front of her because she doesn't know what we're talking about. I wouldn't like them speaking Russian in front of me, if I didn't understand it. It would make me furious.

From what I've learned, my be being furious isn't really a good thing.

I haven't spoken with Remus since the Ball, and by now I'm sure there are hundreds of rumors floating around about why I would attack the poor and defenseless Rachel. Why would I punch a girl until I had to be physically removed if not over some silly boy? A Marauder to be exact. Wherever they are, they make for good gossip, that's for damn sure.

"Are you getting ready?" My father had taken to yelling up the stairs as opposed to actually walking up and knocking on my door when I was around fourteen, he said that I needed my privacy and it was not right of him to invade it. Even though he head read every letter mom ever sent to me, just in the unlikely case that she was somehow roping me into her world. Her dangerous world of drugs and men. I think the "men" part bothered him more then the drugs part.

Which is sort of funny, when you really think about it. What "men" would want me, anyway? Really?

Also, if I where doing drugs, I wouldn't be writing to her about it. I don't write to her about anything. I never even wrote her back after she sent me that photo album. Not even a thank you card. Nothing.

She gets nothing from me, I have the power to not talk to her, and I will use, and maybe even abuse, that power.

"Yeah" I yelled down, I hadn't been, but I am now. Throwing on a pair of jeans and a Beatles shirt on that my dad got me for Christmas last year. Do you have any idea how amazing it is to wear jeans in the middle of the day? I love how simple it was to get dressed when I'm not at school. No need for make-up. Not having to do my hair. Not having to put on that silly uniform.

I think it's about time for a change. Maybe I'll stop wearing my make up, or maybe I'll stop pulling my hair back into an as-perfect-as-I-can-get-it ponytail. Maybe I'll just stop caring already.

I attacked Rachel because she said something about my mother, and I don't even really care about her, so maybe I should stop.

Just, stop.

Seems simple enough, doesn't it? How hard can it be to stop wondering what people are thinking about me all of the time? I should really start caring about what I think about me.

First thing, my hair is plain, annoyingly so. It's just black, I think it needs a little color, a couple blasts of color. Yes, that seems like it would be fun. Thank Merlin for magic, because I can change it whenever I want.

Second thing, I like make-up I really do. Just not the way I do it. It's so normal, the same way every other girl does their make-up. I think I'll stop wearing eyeliner altogether and pick up some red lipsticks. That's the one thing my mother did that I always thought was beautiful. She never wore eyeliner, or blush, or foundation, just blood red lipstick. She let the red stand against her pale skin and used it to make it's own dramatic statement.

Yes, I think a change is in order.

Time for a little less teenage drama and a little more, well, me.

"Как он?" (How is he?) The room was silent for a whole fifteen minutes before my dad spoke in thick Russian after we arrived. My Uncle was laying in a bed and there where bandages covering him everywhere. Some had blood dried on through, I couldn't see any skin beneath them. The doctors said that his is bleeding had stopped, thank Merlin, but he still wasn't awake.

He hadn't been awake since they brought him in.

"Живой, чуть-чуть, но жив." (Alive, barely, but alive.) My Aunt responded, her voice was strained and sounded weak. Anastasia is beautiful she has snow blonde hair and bright blue eyes, the kind that put the ocean to shame. She had this…way about her. She was always elegant and her head never fell, it was scary seeing her like this—her eyes watery but not being allowed to let the tears fall. I think she's been doing that for days.

Her eyes where red rimmed and dull.

"Не волнуйтесь, он силен. Он лучше, чем вы можете вернуться домой и забыть об этом." (Don't worry, he is strong. He will get better, than you can go home and forget all about this) I knew it was true, so I said it. I know my family and I know he'll be fine, because he has to be. He doesn't have any other option.

He has to be okay, if only to prove that angry and murderous werewolves can't kill him.

It went silent for a while after that, the only thing that broke the silence was a Healer coming in. We translated what they were saying for my aunt, she was listening to us while looking at the Healer.

I don't think she can take anymore bad news.

"Justin!" I was flinging my arms around the older werewolf and pulling him close to me, "come to see me off to school?" I was flooing back today, my "punishment" being over and all.

He hugged me back then turned to my father, "you didn't tell her?" He asked my father, his thick accent hanging off of his words. I looked back and forth between the two of them. What exactly did my father not tell me?

"Courtney, sweetheart..." Oh Renowa, it was serious. My father was looking past me, to the fireplace, "the letter's I've gotten. There have been threats on you. Justin is going to go with you for a little bit."

"You're giving me a babysitter?" I wanted to shout but it came out like a whisper.

"No, малый волк" (little wolf), Justin said, "like a body guard."

**Sirius' POV**

This is perfect. When Courtney gets back from her little punishment induced vacation and she finds what Remus has done I'll be there to help pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

I'll win, because he cant hit me and attack me if he's busy making out with Rachel, the very girl Courtney was fighting only a week ago. How the hell he went from Courtney to Rachel, I don't know.

Actually, yes I do.

Courtney doesn't put out, well, she doesn't put out yet and Rachel does. She does a lot.

I think I slept with her in fourth year. Which is saying something, like she's a slut.

I think that this little tidbit of information will make it easier for me to get in with Courtney, you know, because she is in love with Remus and that has been standing in my way for quite a while. I don't mind being a revenge lay. I really don't.

It's not that I would have wanted to sleep with her if I knew it wasn't such a challenge. She makes it so hard to ignore the fact that she doesn't want me, which only makes we want her that much more.

"So, Remus, you don't mind if I ask Courtney to Hogsmeade when she gets back, do you?" I asked while we were sitting down in the Great Hall for dinner. He still gets that fire in his eyes when I say things about her, but I don't think he really has any other options at this point.

No, no he doesn't.

"Go ahead…" He said it with a grunt but I didn't think he would mind. That's a lie, I know he minds but he knows that I know about Rachel and he is fucked up and she wont want him after he finds out.

I think she should be here soon; the rumor is that she'll be back for dinner, which will be any minute.

Or now.

I must say that she looks different, and Remus noticed as well, she has a streak of pink, bright and nearly neon, in her hair and her lips look they were stained with blood. She's not dressed like the other girls who were wearing skirts even though there aren't any classes right now, she had jeans on and a shirt that I couldn't make out.

Makes for a good excuse to look at her boobs.

She didn't even look over here on her way to the Ravenclaw table. Does she already know?

Behind her walked a man, he was large with dark hair looking down at the people around him. He leaned down and said something that made her smiled. He followed her and sat right next to her, I could see Remus turning red, his eyes flashing a little bit of gold. Maybe Remus knows the mystery man? He decided to fight fire with fire by standing up and walked over to Rachel he sat down and placed his arm around her shoulders.

Courtney didn't even look up. Just kept talking to this guy while sipping from her goblet, she wasn't really eating.

Remus kept looking over at her every few seconds trying to get her to look, to show her 'hey, look, I don't need you'. Even though we all know he does. This man might get in my way of getting with Courtney, and that's what I'm concerned with right now.

"…они сказали что-то про то, что неправильно..." (they said something about it being wrong) I don't know what he said or what language they were speaking, but they seemed deep in conversation when I walked over to her. She wasn't smiling anymore, just listening to him intently.

He had scars.

"Welcome back, Courtney" I smiled at her but she didn't look up, she consecrated on her drink.

"They're wrong, Justin. Как не ошибиться, хотят чувствовать себя нормально" (It is not wrong to want to feel normal) He nodded at her, then chuckled a little when he looked at me.

"What would you like?" He sounded annoyed, his eyes saying something like 'why would this boy being interrupting my conversation?'.

"Just wanted to say hi to my friend." I nodded to Courtney and kept the smile on my face. When she turned around the first thing I noticed was that the pink is even brighter when your up close.

'I'm Not Human' That's what her shirt said. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. Were do you even get something like that and can I get one for myself?

"You know, Remus is with Rachel." I told her, I wanted to judge her reaction before I asked her out, but there was nothing, no emotion on the subject. Not even a little.

"So," I started trying not to let the situation go completely awkward, "do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?" She smiled and turned to the man, saying something I didn't catch making him laugh then turning back at me.

"I'm not going" She said, her red lips rounding with the words, I wonder how well she uses those lips. The man, Justin, smiled a little and grabbed a roll before turning away from me. She turned away as well.

They started talking in that weird language again so I left.

Remus was still looking over at her every few seconds.

**A/N: I realized that I never really explained why Justin was with her, or really give a good feel for the father/daughter relationship in the story. So, I wanted to do that. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Remus' POV**

It's been almost two weeks. Two weeks since Courtney came back bringing that _Justin _guy with her. Rachel hasn't shut up about how stupid it was of her to bring him here, and how he's going to kill everyone because that's what werewolves do.

They kill people, you know, and they mean to.

She's changed a lot and it's not just her hair or the way she does her make-up. It's the way she carries herself that's the biggest difference. She's more, I don't know, confident. She's dressing differently too, not at all like the other girls. How does someone change everything about themselves in only a week?

There are rumors going around and I know she's heard them, but she hasn't been paying much attention to anyone.

Well, anyone except or Justin.

She did turn Sirius down, which is nice, but it's only made him try harder. Right now we're in potions, classes seem to be the only time that Justin isn't attached to her. He even goes on patrol with her now.

She has her hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, something she's taken to only doing only when there is a chance of her burning it off. She's has fishnets under her skirt, just another one of those many changes. The black stands out against her white skin and because it's something no other girl would dare to do it's become another one of those things to fuel the rumors.

She's never really fit into the mold of Ravenclaw who only cares about her books. Courtney has always had some amazingly Gryffindor talents.

For example, last year there was a small girl, maybe second year, who got picked on, sometimes even hit, every day. The other girls, other houses, knew what was happening and whispered about how wrong it was. But Courtney, she walked over to the group of kids and one-by-one dropped them into the Black Lake. They just stood there, waiting for there turn like children being reprimanded by their mothers.

It was funny and succeeded in making it so no one screwed with that girl again.

"Sirius Black," She said his name with such venom that it made the wolf claw at me, "if you touch me one more time I will shove this newts tail somewhere you wont even want to believe it can go." Even though she sounded terrifyingly angry she said it witch such an even tone and without looking up from her work.

The entire room turned was watching them, including Slughorn who had to stop talking to a kid about his father's connections for a minute to see how it would play out. Everyone was waiting for another fight, and I wouldn't be upset if it were Sirius who got their nose broken this time.

Thinking of Sirius, he was beat red and she didn't seem to notice any of the eyes watching the situation. He did move his hand from her leg, slowly and cautiously, as to not spook the bear and turned away from everyone's eyes.

"Oh ho… " Slughorn said after clearing his throat, "look at the time… start packing up now!" He didn't look at the pair was he walked past them, the room had taken a sudden turn for the tense. She took her hair out and shook it, before grabing her bag. When she walked past me, she smelled like jasmine, it was different, I liked it. I missed the violets and roses though.

"You know, you're the one who screwed it up." James said while I watched her move down the hallway. I just shrugged in return, I knew that I did and I didn't need him reminding me.

Even though I didn't kiss Rachel, and she was telling me what happened. She kissed me. Then Sirius walked past us and cleared his throat. I had only spoken to the girl to find out what really happened during the fight. I couldn't believe that Courtney would break someone's nose because they said I was attractive.

Courtney wasn't the type of girl to fight over a guy.

But Sirius wasn't going to let me live it down and I knew she was going to find out. We aren't, or weren't, together so I knew she wasn't upset about that. She wasn't ignoring me because I was speaking with someone she didn't like, would she?

It wasn't much better in Transfiguration. She sat a few rows in front of me but I could smell the jasmine. I could also see down her shirt when she grabbed something from her bag. She was wearing a black bra with frills on the top. She just transfigured an entire table setting, plates and all, from an assortment of quills, parchment and inkwells. She was the first to do it. Its was strange, how did she get so good so fast?

Justin.

It had to be that Justin guy. Why was he even here, really? What could he possibly be doing that he needs to be here? That he needs to be following her around all the time?

I only managed to turn it a little, and not even an inkwell. Just some parchment that you could eat off of because it was that hard like glass. Thick and sleek enough that you couldn't write on this to save yourself, at least not without a chisel.

"REMUS!" Rachel's arms where clutching my neck and making it hard to breathe, I was just trying to get some lunch. "I've missed you!" Her voice was a screech, high pitched and whiny. What is that sound, really, when you think about it? It just has "desperate for attention" dripping from it.

She hasn't left me alone since I put my arm around her the day Courtney got back. I don't care about Rachel. If she where to jump from the Ravenclaw tower I wouldn't even lift my wand to slow her momentum. I only did that to get Courtney's attention as childish as that sounds.

"Haven't you missed me?" She did this pouting thing that made me want to hit my head against a wall. Men found her attractive? What is the face she's making meant to do?

"Yeah. Sure." I shrugged her off as best I could, and started to bite into a sandwich.

"God, she is so annoying" Rachel sighed heavily as she watched Courtney and Justin. He hadn't been here this morning giving me the hope that he was gone and I would be able to talk to her again. It was a false hope, apparently, because he is now and with food. He brought back pizza from where ever he had disappeared to, they sat at the Ravenclaw table. Just talking and eating.

Rachel started talking again, listing off things that annoyed her about Courtney this week. Like how she made the entire dorm smell like "stupid flowers" every morning while getting ready. Or how her and Justin stay up late talking in some "obviously made up" language in the common room.

"I'll be back, mate" James said while standing up and walking towards them. That boy will do anything for food. Even leave me here to rot in the clutches of Rachel.

**James' POV**

"Hey, Courtney and… Courtney's friend." I hadn't learned his name, nowadays when Remus starts ranting about something else having to do with her I tune him out. They were both smiling and even though she had been eating her lipstick didn't falter.

"This is Justin," she said while waving her hand at the man across from her, "would you like some?" She pushed the box a little bit closer to me.

"I was in London earlier," he had an accent. It was thick and a little bit dark, "figured I'd bring something different back for lunch." He smiled at me, Sirius said that the few times he had tried to talk to Courtney while he was around the man had been short and rude with him. He didn't seem that way to me so I nodded and took a piece while sitting down.

"Justin is working with the Defense teacher," Courtney's words broke the small bubble of silence that had taken us over, "he knows a lot about some creatures native to Russia that the Professor doesn't know much about." I will admit that I was a little impressed, he didn't look old enough to be a professor himself though.

"Oh? That's cool." I started, taking another bite and waiting until I swallowed to ask my question, "what do you do?" I turned my attention completely to Justin while asking. He reminded me of her, calm and uncaring. Like nothing could bother him. I'm sure that there is someone out there, like Remus can for Courtney, who can see though all of it.

"I'm an explorer, one of the only jobs I cant be fired for being a werewolf at." They both chuckled. I didn't know what to say so I ate and watched them. The only werewolf I've ever met is Remus, and he didn't offer that sort of information up as freely as this Justin guy did. I'm not sure how to respond to that.

So I changed the subject, I did come over here for a reason. Well, two reasons, I wanted to help fix this rift between the two of them and I wanted to get the hell away from the obnoxiously loud Rachel.

"He's not happy with her, you know." I said while nodding my head back in the direction of the Gryffindor table, indicating to Remus.

"Oh?" she said, alomost sounding surprised but only succeeding in sounding bored, "I didn't know they _were_ together." She looked at them as if she honestly didn't. It gave me time to actually take in the new Courtney. I think Remus likes this new look of hers, this new start. Maybe he thinks they can start over together.

"Yeah, you didn't know that?" I asked after she had turned back a minute later. I almost saw hurt in her eyes, almost.

She shook her head, the look gone and her eyes back to looking bored, "I just figured they where having sex." The way she said it sounded like she didn't care, like the entire thing didn't matter. I know she does. I know because every once in a while I see her looking at him the same way she used to.

But I'm mad. I'm mad at her for fighting Rachel and getting sent home. I'm mad at Remus for being stupid enough to want to find out what happened without just owling Courtney and asking. I'm mad at Sirius for continuing to try and get into her pants knowing that it's killing Remus. I'm mad at myself for waiting this long to try and do something about each of these situations.

"You don't care, do you?" I tried to keep my voice steady, tried to contain the anger I felt. She just shook her head in response and I couldn't do it anymore. I had to let some of it out.

"Your heartless." My voice was still level, "he really liked you, you know. Hell, he still does." I stood up, swinging my arm back to motion to the werewolf who was currently trying to pry Rachel off of him, again. "But fuck, you just come back and act like he doesn't exist. Like the entire fucking Ball never happened." She didn't say anything, she just tilted her head to one said and allowed me to finish.

"You're such a fucking bitch." I turned to leave, almost stomping away from her and the people who where staring at me. She didn't falter though, she just sat there, chewing on her food and watching me leave.

I didn't need an explanation form her, and neither did Remus. The way she's been acting lately is completely fucked.

I'm sure she knows it. She has to. The girls not a total idiot, she is a Ravenclaw.

She is emotionally fucked, though. She doesn't know that Remus is damn near in love with her, she didn't, or at least acted like, knowing that he was banging the Ravenclaw house slut was normal. She couldn't see that he was miserable, that he still called at her name while he slept. That girl has no sense of emotion.

None what so ever.

She is a total bitch, and she has to know that much. She has to know that the way she's been acting is completely irrational.

Just ignoring him like that. Just pretending like nothing happened between the two of them. Like she felt nothing when they kissed.

Maybe she didn't like him as much as I thought, but it's doubtful. After years of watching girls get their hearts broken by Sirius and having to recognize these things in myself after wanting Lilly for so long, I'm damn near an expert on people's feelings.

She just seemed to be so in love with him as well. I don't know what it was, what happened, to make her change her mind so completely but whatever it is better resolve itself soon because I can't take much more of this.

She didn't even notice that he was spending all this time with Rachel, or she didn't let it show that she did. It was more annoying then anything else, really. I thought for sure that they where going to end up together, but I guess that's how it goes.

You think you have something, that its real, that it's going to go places. Then she stops talking to you. Not even insulting you anymore, just not talking to you at all and ignoring your existence altogether. Acting like you never kissed.

Maybe I'm taking my frustrations about Lilly out on Courtney, but it doesn't matter if I am, because they apply there too.

**A/N: Remus and James get an entire chapter all to themselves. =) I wanted to add a little more explanation about why James blew up on her then I did the first time around. I also to throw in a little more about Rachel. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Justin's POV**

I wasn't going to butt into Courtney's life to much, if she didn't want to tell him, or at least let him know that she knew what he was, I was going to leave it at that. Maybe try and nudge her in the direction I think she should go.

I'm walking around the grounds, waiting for the bell so I could help the Defense teacher with his next class, I need something to do while watching out for her. That's when I saw him and I exhaled the think gray smoke from my lungs while I watched him. He was just sitting at a bench, reading a book, he was the only one out here.

I don't blame them, its cold for most people, but we run hot. "Hey, Remus, right?" I put on the best 'curious' look and I could come up with and sat down next to him while taking another drag from my cigarette.

It's a nasty habit, but it helps keep me calm.

"Uhm," He looked at me for a second before confirming, "yeah." He voice is nervous, almost anxious, but the fire in his eyes tells me that he wasn't that keen on talking to me.

"What do you want?" Ohhh, snappy.

"I want to talk with you." I held my hands up in mock surrender. My statement making him look like he was going to make a run for it, so I pushed my luck and continued. "About what you are." I put the cigarette out in the grass then picked up the butt and stuck it in my pocket. Gotta keep the school looking nice.

"What I am?" He was following my movements. Now, he looked as nervous as his voice sounded, and I think he really was going to make a run for it.

"Hm, when Courtney told me you borrowed a copy of my book, I figured you would at least read the first page." I shrugged, I still hadn't made eye contact with him, you don't do that when your trying to discuss something you never talk about.

Well, that he never talks about.

I also didn't want him to know that Courtney told me about him long before she ever mentioned him borrowing the book. The book he still hadn't given back to her, apparently.

When he didn't respond I was preparing a speech on the importance of loving what you are. Hell, even Courtney loved what she was close to being. But he did talk, it just took him a minute to find his words. "Yeah, I know your a werewolf. Rachel thinks your going to kill everyone here."

"And that doesn't piss you off?" I was trying to control my own anger at his statement. Ignorance is not bliss when it includes being a bitch to an entire group of people. "Your girlfriend hating your own kind?" There. Its out.

You're a werewolf, I know it, you know it, Courtney knows it.

But you don't know that

"Excuse me?" He scoffed. The boy actually scoffed. "I am not a..."

Denial is not just a river in Egypt, is it? "A werewolf? Yes, you are." I still wasn't looking at him, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head while I took in the falling snow.

"How would you..." This kid was meant to be smart.

"I am one, dude. I can tell a wolf a mile away. Besides, you have the scent."

"The scent?" I swear Courtney said he was smart. Where did that go?

I sighed before responding. "Fear. Self made fear." He just kept looking at me, not responding so I decided to rattle his cage a little. "Will I bite someone? Will I hurt that girl? That friend? What will everyone think? What do I think? What will Courtney think?" I looked at him then, watching his reaction. He looked shocked for a minute, then he just looked angry.

"What do you care what she thinks?"

His voice almost had a drop of venom in them, so I laughed. Silly boy, he really is daft, isn't he? "I don't." I stated when my laughter seized, "you do. I can tell."

I got up to leave, if he wants to know more about his kind or even just want's to know how not to hate himself, he can find me. "Tell your judgmental little girlfriend that I wont be killing her, because I'll be in complete control this full moon."

If anything she must have mentioned what her father was working on? I mean, she knows what this boy is going through, and he's not a Greyback Pack member, that much is obvious.

"How will you be in control?" He looked eager, like I was handing out free ice cream.

"She never told you?" I am going to kill Courtney. She could have at least told me that he didn't know what the potion was for.

"Who never told me what?" he was about to stand up with me, so I sighed.

"Oh..Courtney.." I said it under my breathe and started to walk in the direction of the castle. I have a half breed to find and kill.

"Hey. Wait." He grabbed my arm, and I turned around fast, maybe to fast. He did jump a little, but I'm mad at her. This boy has to hide away once a month with no one. Then he has to handle every cut and bruise that comes not only with the transition but with whatever he does while the moon is up, alone. She's never been sheltered to how scary it can be, and she just let him be afraid.

"Look, you need to talk to Courtney. I thought you knew." and I left.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Both Courtney and I were trying to keep our tempers under control. Have you ever seen to angry wolfs fight? It's not pretty and almost always ends in blood shed. "Вы эгоизм" (you're being selfish)

"When was I meant to tell him, Justin?" I could see her eyes flashing. She's still a young wolf, but smart enough not to give to much information away while we were in public. "Это было неделю назад я получил идти вперед" (it's been a week since I got the go ahead)

It may have been a good point but it's not an excuse. The moon will be full in a week and her withholding information from the poor boy isn't right. "You're just mad at him because he's трахать эту девушку" (fucking that girl).

She gasped, her reaction showing that she didn't even see her actions as doing so. "Если он любит ее так, она может помочь ему в его" (if he likes her so much she can help him through it). That was the most childish thing I have ever heard come out of her mouth.

Oh, his girlfriend who hates our kind can help him thorough the scariest time of his month? That sounds like a pretty correct statement. I'm sure she'd love to nurse his wounds right after he tries to rip her apart. "вырастать" (grow up).

"Screw you, Justin. He made his choice when he спала с шлюха" (slept with that slut).

Now my eyes where flashing, the tell tale sign of loosing our ability to hold onto the wolf. We where walking by an empty class room so I grabbed her and pulled her inside of it.

"Courtney, he hates himself, do you realize that?" She tried to turn away so I slammed her back into the brick of the wall, "he feels that you do towards your mother for himself. If he didn't have those annoying friends of his he might have killed himself my now to stop the transition."

She stopped trying to move away from me and stared at the ground. "Maybe you don't get it because you're not a full wolf, but that kind of self loathing doesn't stop, he doesn't have anyone else like him in his life." She wanted to say something but I stopped her.

"If your father wasn't attacked with his brother you wouldn't be here, he wouldn't be here. If my parents weren't both werewolves, I would have offed myself to. Just to stop the wolf from coming out and hurting everyone I care about." It's not easy being the only wolf in a situation, it's scary. He's sixteen and his hormones rage more violently then normal, he feels dangerous because he is. She's not telling him of a way that could make things easier for him, that could make it so he can maybe feel normal for once in his life.

"Скажите ему, что все" (tell him everything), I said before leaving. She had calmed down during my speech, but I didn't. I needed to walk and breathe, and maybe simmer on it for a few hours.

I needed a cigarette.

**Courtney's POV**

Justin's words stung, they hit me in a way that scared me. I didn't want Remus to be alone, to feel alone. I didn't really realize that my anger was stopping me from helping him feel better about himself. I didn't see it in myself the way Justin could, the way an outside force could.

I hated myself for the first because of this. I know I can fix it, stop the guilt from burning itself in my stomach if I tell him. Everything. Tell him that I know what he is, tell him that I have some kind of understanding of how lonely and terrifying it can be. Tell him that know a way of helping him be in control of the monster inside of him.

Tell him that I've been wearing that salvation around my neck all year.

I don't want him to hate me for not letting him know. I don't want spook him like a deer when I tell hi that I tell him that I know what he is. I don't want him to be mad that I never told him about my family.

I knew about him and Rachel the moment I came back. I knew because I ran into Kelly on my way to the Great Hall. I couldn't look at him, and I ignored him, and I pretended like I didn't care because it was easier that way. It was easier to deny myself the anger then let go and loose myself.

It's scary not being in control of your actions. It's not like when my father looses himself on a full moon. It's not like loosing all consciousness and waking up with new wounds. I can see what I'm doing, I can feel what I'm doing when my own wolfish instincts take control. I scared myself when I attacked Rachel. If that person hadn't pulled me away from her I could have killed her. I wanted to maim her beyond what magic can cure.

"Hey sexy," I vaugly know the voice that's coming from the boy grabbing my arm and pulling him back to me, "word has it that you attacked that girl because my brothers friend liked her better."

That's what rumor people had settled on? I called it.

He let me go when I tried to yank my arm from his grasp, he even let me take a few steps before reaching out and slapping me across my bottom. I could feel it then, the wolf clawing at me. It felt like my throat was being ripped open and I let it go. I let this other part of me handle the situation.

So I turned and walked back to him, only stopping when my body was against his. Then I leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"Touch me again, Black, and I'll rip you open. I will gut you like a fish and dance in the bloody mess when I'm done." I could feel his shiver, but it wasn't enough. I didn't want to spook him, I wanted to give him nightmare's.

"I dare you to test me. Rachel needed to have bones mended after that little cat fight just image what I could do to your pretty little face if I actually got mad." my lips were brushing against his ear while I spoke. His friends, who at first were egging him on, were watching the situation with their own eyes filling with fear.

I pulled back, recoiled the leash on my anger and stepped away from Sirius' brother before smiling and walking away.

I think I need a swim.

**A/N: If you're an original reader of this story you'll know that most of this chapter is new. So, I hope you enjoyed it. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Remus' POV**

Knew what?

What does Courtney know?

What on earth cold possibly make him _not _loose control on the full moon?

Was he not really a werewolf?

How would he know if I was one?

He couldn't possibly.

No.

What the fuck does Courtney know?

"Dude, you missed it." Sirius was all smiling , the wide ear to ear kind with all of his teeth showing. I hadn't seen a smile like that since he lost his virginity and told us about it. Explaining in too-much detail how amazing all five minutes of it happened to be.

"Mi-" I cleared my throat "missed what?"

"Courtney made my little brother nearly shit his pants." He laughed, bark like and loud making everyone is the common room turn and look at us. You'd think they'd be used to Sirius' laughter, or really just learn that if it has to do with the Marauders it's better not to look.

"How?" I was staring at the fire, just the mention of her name made me come alive. Of course, not in the way that made you jump up and want to run a mile. No, the kind that made you want a cold shower.

"No one knows, she said something to him. Whispered it in his ear and he had this look—pure horror. It was great." He was still laughing while he spoke about it. Still ecstatic over his brothers humiliation.

It's Friday night, I should go to the prefects bathroom, soak away her memory. I will not ask her about my conversation with _Justin _I wont mention to her the control during the full moon. If I ask, she might figure out why I am so curious, then any chance I may have left after this whole Rachel thing would be thrown out of the window.

"Justin stays in control on the full moon." That stopped him dead in his laughter. I haven't been able to talk with Sirius about anything since before the train, before he decided he wanted to bed Courtney. Before I decided she was mine.

This was actually the first time we've spoken without raising our voices, or in my case, fists since the last day of Summer. I miss him, I miss his jokes and being able to talk wolf-to-dog about things. He could have helped me a lot with Courtney if he wasn't trying so hard to get into her panties.

"Wh-" he took a deep breath "what?" He was staring at me, studying my face, watching everything, every twitch, every inhale, every exhale. Everything.

"He wouldn't tell me." I still didn't look at him fully, my mind still spinning from the conversation in the courtyard.

"That's not very nice." I laughed at his response, no it wasn't very nice. But he wouldn't, just said, _"you need to talk to Courtney." _

It sounded so simple, to most people it would be. But ever since I kissed her, she got into the fight, left, came back and everything else. I cant even seem to find her, let alone talk with her.

"I'm gonna go to the prefect bathroom." I really needed some form of hot water surrounding me to get rid of all the tension in my muscles. To gather my thougts.

"Okay..." he let it trail off while I left, walking directly from the common room to a hidden passage way, I just wanted to avoid people like Rachel right now.

When I got there and opened the door I could hear water running already and I would have turned away, stalked angrily back to my dorm and settled for a shower but I can smell her.

I should turn away.

I wont, but I should.

Violets and roses are back, no more of the the things she covers it up with, but her. The pink in her hair is now red, it matches her lips, or it would if she were wearing make-up. Right now they're pink, the same pale bubblegum they were before the Ball. She's in the bath, but shes not naked, (I'm only a little bit disappointed) it looks like she's swimming.

"Hello Remus." She didn't even look over to be when she emerged above the waters surface. She just knew, or she's a very lucky guesser.

Either way, I love it. I love it. I love it.

Its almost damaging how much I love it.

How much I've missed the way she says my name.

"What are you doing here?" I sound annoyed. Maybe I am, maybe I'm annoyed that she didn't owl while she was gone. Annoyed that she hasn't even tried to talk to me since she's been back. Annoyed that spends so much time with that stupid Russian werewolf.

"I am a prefect, am I not?" She said while slowly looking at me, her bathing suit was black and in two pieces. The only thing's I see are her breasts, full and wet.

"Would you like to swim?" She asked with a smirk, an amazingly beautiful smirk that makes everything I was annoyed at go away.

She wasn't looking at me anymore, in fact she acted like I wasn't there. I may not have started to undress if she had kept looking. Even though she didn't look, she did talk, "Justin says I need to talk with you about my father."

Her hair isn't covering her back where three scars laid in the center of it. The raised skin looked like shooting stars. Perfectly alined with no extra knots or grooves in them.

I did eventually get into the water wearing my boxers. I didn't plan on getting into the giant tub with someone else, I may have come prepared if I did.

"Why do you need to talk to me?" I want to touch her, even though my mind is spinning over what she might have to say. I need to feel her skin against mine, I need her to surround me.

I need her.

I try and hide that fact as best I could, but its hard in water.

She swam over to be, stood in front of me and looked me dead in the eye. "About this," she said while she moved her hand onto her neck, fingering the the vial while looking at me. Her eyes moving with mine while I looked at the vial.

She didn't look at my scars.

FUCK MY... FUCK!

She's going to ask, Rachel did "whats this from?" "where did you get this?"

Everyone asks.

"My daddy made it, for werewolves." I stopped breathing. "Its not a cure. They're meant to take it the day of the full moon and when they change they're still in control. The wolf is still there, they just get a say in what it does." She said it very direct. Like she was reading it off of a warning label and not from memory.

"O..oh." I still can't breath correctly. This is amazing, I'm torn between ripping her necklace off and making a run for it and grabbing her and pushing her againt the side of the tub.

"Why would I need to tell you that?" Her finger was tracing the scar on the collarbone, from this past Summer. It was long, and it was painful.

"I.." I swallowed hard "I don't know..."

"Remus..." she was a little closer, and I was moving towards her. "I think you need to know some things about my family." I was looking into her eyes.

She licked her lips before she began, "My father is half and half, so is my uncle. Part werewolf and part wizard." She looked into my eye for a second before continuing, her finger tracing another scar. "My mother is a witch, so magic was inevitable for me, but what they didn't know was how the werewolf part would present itself."

She picked a large scar across my chest and not stopping when it disappeared beneath the water, just following it below. "I'm a lot like my daddy. Only, I don't change when the moon is full. I just can't always stop the wold inside of me from taking over. Mostly when I'm angry."

She wants me to tell her that I'm a werewolf. I can see it when she locks her eyes to mine, fingers no longer tracing any scars, just watching my reaction.

I try to open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I tried a few times but only seemed to succeed in making myself look like a fish.

"I wont say I know," she resolved after two minutes of my fish imitation, "and you don't have to tell me," she was whispering now, leaning in just a little bit closer to me, "don't worry. The last thing on my mind is whether or not you're deadly." I wanted to kiss her.

"I will tell you that if anyone needed it, they can owl my father." I think she could sense my hesitation, "No names, no announcing what it is. Very discrete."

I kissed her, harder then I meant to, but I couldn't stop myself. I had clasped my hands to her waist and turned her, pushing her against the side of the tub. The only thing between out skin was the hot water and limited clothes. I pulled away from her lips and kissed her neck.

I bit her. I tasted her flesh, marked her as my own and then kissed her again.

She was moaning, her legs wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to her. I cant really think about anything but her, the way she looks covered in water and pressed against me. the way she smells when she's aroused.

Dear Godric she's aroused, and for the same reason I am.

I wouldn't have stopped until neither of us could survive a moment longer without air if the door hadn't opened. If James and Lilly hadn't come stumbling in doing the same thing we just were.

We all jumped from each other, well three out of four did. Courtney didn't, she started laughing, kept going until her breathing was shallow. Everyone else had lost color every where but in their cheeks and she just got out and left. Completely calm about the entire situation.

She winked at me before she closed the door.

I liked that.

I need to get rid of Rachel.

My body still feels like it's on fire, like every time I touch something I'm feeling it for the first time. I have never felt this way after kissing someone. I've never felt this way after doing anything with someone.

Maybe it's because of what we have in common, or maybe it's because I don't need to hide from her. Whatever the reason, I felt it when we first kissed. I felt this sensation of warm and complete calm come over me. Even the wolf was satisfied.

"Remy" Oh, Merlin, she did not just call me that. I was trying not to roll my eyes while turning to Rachel who was already seated at the Gryffindor table next to Peter who looked like he was actually considering using his fork to kill her.

Go for it, Peter, the rest of us will help hide the body.

"Don't call me that" I sat down across from her, I need to see Courtney, I need to know that she's around. If I close my eyes I can still feel her body against my own.

"But...Remy..." I sighed, grabbing some food and scanning the Ravenclaw table for her black hair. I saw Justin but I didn't see her yet.

"Rachel, why don't you go hump something." Peter said, I think he had finally had enough of her screeching into his ear. When she get's here before I do she talks to Peter, and every time she does so, he thinks about ways to get rid of her. "In Russia," he finished.

Which made it just perfect timing for Courtney to walk over and sit on the other side of Peter, and turning to him with a playful smile "now, Peter, my homeland doesn't need to be загрязненных шлюха" (contaminated by slut)

Rachel, who had been sitting with her mouth open since Peters comment, sneered at Courtney who looked bored before she even began. "That's not Russian, that's some made up language you and that killing machine use so we can't hear your plans to of everyone."

There's that feeling of pure rage rolling off of her like waves again, her eyes changing to darker, golden orbs. She was standing in front of Rachel before I could blink and had her pinned against the table.

"следить за собой" (watch yourself) she started, baring her canines and dropping her voice to a harsh whisper, "I will rip you apart, limb by limb and bathe in your blood, сука" (bitch)

Justin was behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder trying to calm her down enough to move her away from the shaking Rachel, but Courtney didn't move. She had something to finish, "call any werewolf a killer again and I'll show you just what we're capable of." She pushed off the table and stood to her full height, which isn't all that tall, but was very intimidating at the moment.

She handed me a slip of paper before allowing Justin to move her to the Ravenclaw table. "You just sat there!" Oh, here we go.

"Yes, Rachel, I just sat here." She crossed her still shaking arms and stomped her foot onto the floor.

"I'm you're girlfriend and that cunt just threatened my life. Then you have your little halfwit friend being mean to me and you don't do anything to stop them!" I actually bent my fork. I was holding onto it so tightly that by the time she was done, it was bent at some strange angle.

"Peter is my best friend and he can say whatever he damn well pleases to you. Courtney isn't a cunt, you're a slut who can't handle it when people treat you the way you treat them. And you're not my girlfriend." I started eating with a new fork. I heard her scoff and stomp away but I wasn't looking.

I was just glad I could eat in peace for once.

**A/N: I noticed (and it was brought to my attention at one point) that I never really ended things with Remus and Rachel before, she just sort of...went away... so I had to add something as to where she went/how they ended/ give Peter a goddamn line. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Courtney's POV  
**

_Dear Miss. Rose,  
_

_We were very impressed with your initial proposal and would love to have you take part in the next round of entry's for our school. There are a few things you will need to do because of your age. _

_You can work on and submit your finished potion by the first of 1978, we are aware that you will still be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at this time so we will need to insist that you must get O's on your Potion's, Herbology, and Charms NEWTs to be considered for admittence._

_Also, we must stress that your father cannot help you in anyway during this potion. _

_We cannot wait to see your progress and will be expecting regular updates throughout the year.  
_

_Sincerely, _

_Aleksandr __Yeshevsky_

_Dean of Admissions at The Russian Wizarding Academy _

_January 3__rd__ 1977_

I got in.

I got in and I can't really breath right now. I read the letter at breakfast and when Justin saw my face he got worried, kept asking me what it said. Was it from my father? My mother?

I couldn't say anything so I just handed him the letter. I don't know if Justin actually knew I was applying, but my father did. My father also proof read my potion proposal and laughed at my determination to make it come out pink.

"That's fantastic" he said, congratulating me randomly throughout the day, but now I need to calm down, and breathe, and I also need to talk to someone who knows ingredients.

I don't want to go to Slughorn because he'll just ask a bunch of questions that I don't think really involve him. Or he'll take credit for me wanting to be a Potion's Master and think it has anything to really do with him.

No, I need to find Severus Snape, Slytherin sixth year I've never spoken to. But boy does he have a reputation around the cauldron. If anyone will know were to get purple snap dragon leafs and pokadot mushroom cores, it'll be him.

When I finally do find him he is leaving the Library and alone, which means, he's in perfect position to speak with me. Whether he likes it or not.

**Remus' POV**

Courtney and I have been sneaking around since the last week of November to see each other. Not really see each other as in dating. We see each other to make out, do homework, or just hold hands.

But we aren't together.

We aren't committed.

Because of this fact, I shouldn't be angry that she is currently walking down the hall flirting with Severus Snape. But her hand keeps hitting his shoulder, and her eyes are looking into his and he's smiling at her; they're talking, laughing.

I want to rip his throat out through his stomach.

I want to kill him, actually murder him, with my bare hands.

No wand. No hexes. No magic. I want to kill him

"You could just ask her out." I am choosing to ignore James. She doesn't want to date me. If she wanted to be with me, she would be. No questions.

Instead she wants to flirt with Snape.

I have to meet her in an hour and pretend like it doesn't bother me, or maybe even just pretend like I didn't see them together. I wonder if she'll smell like him. Or if she'll think of him while she's with me.

I wonder if right now, she's with him. If his hands are exploring her over her blouse, his fingertips under her skirt… I wonder if he is as excited, or as in shocked wonder at her body against him as I was the first time. As I am every time.

I can't think about this.

It hurts.

My palms are bleeding where my nails are cutting into them.

Its not like I _love _her or anything. No. Its not like it hurts me there.

She can fuck whomever she likes.

"So… " she started by dragging out the 'o', "why are you so quite?" I turned to her, did she really not know? The full moon is all out whack because of this stupid month and I can smell her even when she's across the room, so I knew she was following me as I nearly sprinted down the hall.

I just want to get rounds over with so I can go back to my dorm and not have to think about her. I don't want to think about her with him anymore.

I wasn't going to talk to her at all, just get through the patrol and pretend she didn't exist. It may not have been the most mature thing I've ever done, but it might work. Only problem is I never can pretend that she doesn't exist, because she does. She's in my head all the time. Running, running, running through it. Sometimes I wonder if she's ever tired and doesn't know why.

That sounded cheesy, even in my mind.

My thoughts are so scattered right now, I hate February, it's days are fucked so it fucks with the moon cycle and you can feel it every day pulsating through your blood.

"You really need to ask that?" I turned around quickly and I think I startled her. Sometimes it seems like nothing brings emotion out of her anymore. Nothing at all, except when we're together.

"Yes, Remus, I do." She stepped towards me and her scent was making me dizzy, "I don't know what's gotten into you tonight but its really fucking annoying." She stepped up to me, standing only a few inches from me. Her body almost against mine. I was about to step forward, close the gap.

"Are you stoned?" Her voice was filled with anger, the kind I'd usually find hot if it wasn't directed to me. What? No. Did a take a hit off of Sirius' joint before coming here, to calm myself down, yes. But stoned? No.

"No."

"Have you been smoking weed?" What is up with this third degree?

"Yes." Honest. Now, you'd think that being honest would earn you some brownie points, give you that 'well, I may not like it, but at least he didn't lie about it' edge. But no, nothing normal ever comes from Courtney fucking Rose. Nothing.

She can never just be a normal teenager. Or a normal girl. Or a normal girlfriend. Or a normal anything. She isn't normal.

She's strange.

I know this. I've known this for years, ever since fourth year when she refused to eat anything blue, it might be poisoned, because she didn't like that color.

Or because she doesn't like that color. That streak has been every color but blue.

I don't think she eats anything blue now, even.

It's part of her house colors and she refuses to support them in anything because she hates the color blue. It's a god damn color it's not the end of the fucking world.

See? Strange.

So, it shouldn't have surprised me when she slapped me and stormed off down the corridor and towards the Ravenclaw tower.

I shouldn't care that she was so upset over a little bit a weed. Everyone smokes weed. Seriously, everyone. Even her precious Severus gets high. I very rarely do, and I'm still angry with myself for even doing it now. For upsetting her. For making her slap me.

And when I tell all this James he laughs and tells me that "even Lilly gets high." Do you see the problem? Do you see what's so strange about her?

Why is she so screwed up? Why is she so mad over a little plant? I don't get her. I never will.

I should move away from this infatuation.

Get over her.

Get to a girl who won't slap me.

I doubt any other girl will give me butterflies, or turn my skin to fire. Or kiss me the way she does. Sometimes she nips my lip, just lightly bites it and pulls it to her. It drives me crazy every time. How does she know how to do that? I probably don't want to know. No, I don't want to know.

I just want her.

But I don't want what comes with her.

I want her to be mine and never talk to another guy again. I want her to look at other people and think they aren't worth her time because they're not me. I want to feel her fingers tracing my scars all day because I think that when she does it they heal a little more.

But I don't want to have to try and figure her out all the time.

Do I love her?

No.

Maybe….

No.

No, I do love Courtney Rose.

I mean I do _**NOT**_love Courtney Rose.

Yeah, that's what I meant….

**Justin's POV**

"You can't hate him forever, малый волк" Courtney knows she's over reacting with the whole Remus smoking thing. She probably wouldn't have cared at all if it wasn't for getting a letter from her mom a few days ago. Her mother has a way of making her so sad she turns to anger.

She doesn't like that she misses her mother, or that she feels like she's betraying her father by doing to. So she turns to anger, like a true wolf. It's one of the few pure emotions it can understand and handle.

"I don't hate him." She's been on the edge of crying for the past few days. Upset with herself for slapping at him, for not being able to separate what her mother did with what everyone else is doing.

When she's like this she reminds me of a broken child she never let her self be. She had more pain and excitement in her life before I met her, before I cut her and even bleeding she wasn't broken. She never let's herself cry.

"Not everyone is her, Courtney. You need to let go." I have to leave her. There haven't been anymore attacks or letters and I have to get back to my work. But I don't want to leave her, this girl who is like my sister who showed me that people can forgive and care without fear is cracking. The weight of her inability to let go weighing down on her.

"Я люблю тебя" (I love you) she said, her voice still small, but not shaking. She'll be okay. She always is.

**A/N: Most of this chapter is new for two reasons: I wanted there to be more explanation around why she would be talking to Severus and I wanted to show what she seems like to someone who knows everything about her life and has seen her grow up.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Courtney's POV**

There is something horrible happening right now on the grounds of Hogwarts.

No, the giant squid hasn't attacked after years of torment from Hogwarts students.

These "Death Eaters" haven't started killing us off or even sent a viable threat to do so.

The Forbidden Forest's creatures haven't revolted against the Ministry for restricting their lands, again.

No, no one has died (yet).

No one has been raped, or attacked.

No fifth or seventh year has flipped under the pressure of OWL's and NEWT's and killed them self's by throwing themselves off of the Astronomy tower or threatened too.

No, something much, much worse is happening.

There is an "Alumni Weekend" happening. They do it every few years to further embarrass and annoy all of the students in one big sweep. Its starting in three hours, everyone with a parent, or grandparent, or overly eccentric aunt, who's ever gone here is dreading it. Not as much as me, though.

Remus and I are talking, that's it. No more hand holding or kissing in empty corridors. He still gets that "she's mine" look whenever boys talk to me, but we aren't making out on our rounds anymore. Not really my first choice in how to spend our evenings. I never did explain why I slapped him, how do you explain to someone that you're so screwed up you lash out on people you care about? I did see him talking to Rachel the other day, her back was against the wall and his hand was on one side of her head.

So I doubt he's to torn up about our pause on getting closer.

I wanted to rip her throat out, though. I wanted to tackle her to the ground and shove her pretty little face into the brick.

I went to the library instead.

Now, this Alumni Weekend is worse for me, not only because I am currently fighting the strong urge to rip Remus' clothes off at every turn while simultaneously ripping Rachel's hair out, but because my mother is coming.

I told her not to.

She's coming anyway.

Oh look, two hours.

"You look like someone shot your puppy..." I looked up and saw James, he was blocking the sun that was coming through the clouds. Its been raining for three weeks and this is the first dry day of Spring.

"I never needed puppy." I smirked at him, taking note of the hickeys that where strung across his neck. The love bites from Lilly. It was cute.

He laughed, lightly, sitting next to me and watching the water ripple with the slight wind. "Remus and Rachel..." he started, pausing before continuing, I shrugged in return.

He wasn't mine to own, but I didn't like her. I don't like her and him. I don't like thinking about them. Together, on a bed, in his bed... Or anywhere. "I hate her," I offered. He nodded.

"You hate a lot of things," he countered. I didn't look at him, but he was studying me

"Like what?" I still didn't look at him. I listened to his watch tick.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

"You don't like people smoking weed," it wasn't a list. Hating a lot of things would suggest more then Rachel and weed.

"You'll understand why later. Trust me." I stood up. One hour and a half. Time was going by much to fast for my liking.

"How?" he said, "you can always just explain." He wanted me to explain because he needed a reason for me letting Remus jump back into bed with her. He wanted to know how I could possibly sit back and watch it happen and not say anything, not do anything.

I sighed, I saw Remus walking near us with Sirius and that Peter boy. He doesn't have much of a purpose, does he?

"You'll meet my mother, James." I could almost feel my eyes glaze over thinking about her. Would she show up stoned? Or in a lapse of withdraw asking me to take care of her? Would she show off her track marks in the short sleeved shirts she likes so much?

Would she try and make nice? Pushing LSD laced sugar cubes in front of me. Begging me to trip with her. Begging me to see real magic, to be with her when she saw the world as beautiful.

I started walking away and passed right by Remus, his scent made me want to push him against a tree and rip his shirt off. I couldn't though, he made his choice when he decided to ignore me and the fight and go back to her. He still stopped to watch me as I walked away.

"Courtney, sweetie, come on." My mother tried, yet again, to start a conversation, "you haven't talked to me all day." I was sitting across from her. She had already told me how she hated my hair and the admittance made me smile.

"What do you wanna talk about mom?" I sighed, I didn't want to give into awkward small talk, but I was watching Remus out of the corner of my eye. He was laughing with James and James' parents who had come. Sirius looked like he was having fun. They all looked like they were having fun and I didn't want to keep watching them and wondering what it would be like to just be around them.

"You." She said, "I don't know anything about my own daughter." she gave this small smile like she was trying to convince me that it mattered. Maybe she was, and maybe I needed her to do so. "Do you have a boyfriend?" Her eyes glistened as she watched me. She looked old. Older then she had looked even during the worst of it.

"No." I sat back while she watched me. Did she think that coming here would make us best friends? "Why'd you come mom?"

"To spend time with my daughter." she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, so I rolled my eyes, this annoyed her and made her let out a large sigh.

"Look, I've been clean for a few months now." You were 'clean' when I saw at you at fourteen, you were 'clean' when you brought me to Kings Cross for my first year. "I just want to catch up on everything I've missed," you didn't miss anything, "your father kept you so far away from me."

I stood up, I couldn't listen to this. My father did nothing. She made it sound like it was his fault that she was a worthless junkie. Like he forced the needle in her arm, then forced her to choose it over us. I had to get away from her.

I left the Great Hall. I was just walking the halls, I don't even know where I'm going.

I didn't realize I was crying until I heard footsteps behind me.

"Hey, are you okay?" he voice sounded like velvet, soft and smooth. But I didn't turn to look at him. I just stood there.

I don't want him to see me like this. To see me in the throws of an internal battle between running to my mother so she can comfort me over everything that's happened and ringing her neck for everything she's done.

He put his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into him. Into his chest. He scent hit me like a boulder. My face was against his shirt and I felt the moister from my eyes dampen it. I looked up into his, he was looking down at me, watching me.

Everyone has been watching me like I'm teetering on a tightrope lately.

"Thank you, Remus." I smiled softly, but I didn't move away from him. He kept one arm around me while he lifted the other and swept the water from my face. He wasn't even an inch away.

Maybe Justin was right, maybe it was okay to break sometimes. To let go of everything and just crumple. I hadn't cried in years, not since the last time I saw my mother.

What is it about that women that makes me want to break down completely?

This kiss wasn't like the other ones that we've had. They where rushed and lust-filled. Two wolves clawing at each other for more. This was slow, and it took my breath away. I'm not kidding, he pulled away and I gasped so I could drag air into my lungs and not pass out, I leaned against the wall to steady myself.

He was looking at me.

"Courtney... I need to talk to you." I nodded, I wanted to shake my head. He didn't need to talk to me, he needed to decide what he wanted. Besides, I wasn't in the mood to talk. I didn't want to talk, I wanted to sit here in this hallway and continue to break down.

"No," I said after a minute, "because whatever you need to talk about, the second everything goes wrong you'll be back in bed with that bitch." I didn't want the words to come out as harshly as they did, but it was true.

It had been weeks and he hadn't tried to fix this. Weeks, and the only thing he's done is Rachel.

"It's not like that," he started but I was already moving to walk away from him, "Court." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me with him down the hall. I wanted to struggle and pull myself away, I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there forever, but I felt weak.

We walked into an empty classroom, he locked the door and I sat on top of a desk. I was swinging my legs and he stood at the opposite end of the room. I liked it when he was calm. Collected.

I still just wanted to go to bed.

**Remus' POV**

I have decided that I want her to be mine. I know that I cant be with her until we get a few things out of the open. We need to talk clear things up.

"I saw you with Snape a few weeks ago." I started, I was speaking slowly trying to keep my anger in check. "You were talking to him, and touching him, and flirting with him and I noticed that I hated it." She tried to speak but I had to finish, "that I was mad at you for that, but I couldn't be because your not with me." I sighed, she was listening to me, her hands clutching the desk on either side of her thighs.

I'd give anything to be standing in front of her, my lips on her, between her legs.

But I had to keep my distance right now.

"If you like him that's okay, but could you please tell me?" My eyes caught hers, she tilted her head to the side and smiled. She rarely smiled in front of people, anymore.

A soft chuckle escaped her lips. I knew it. She thought I was funny, she thought this was all funny.

"I see you with Rachel all time time, and I doubt it's as innocent as what I' doing with Severus," I knew it, she is doing something with him.

"He's helping me find some ingredients for a potion I'm making to try and get accepted to a school in Russia after we graduate." She said, before adding, "is it safe to assume the school slut is helping you get into tonsil hockey after we finish?"

I'm choosing to ignore the comments about Rachel and I, there is no Rachel and I. "It doesn't take a year to make a potion." she smiled again, leaning froward a little bit.

"It does when you have to create it yourself. Not anything you can find in a book." Oh.

"Then..." I sighed again and took a few steps closer to her, stopping maybe two feet away and leaning against another desk. "We need to talk a few things through."

She nodded, "can we focus on your inability to keep it in your pants?" She wasn't going to let it go, but there was no anger in her eyes. She had given up on being angry about it.

"Nothing's going on with her, we're not together, we're just having sex." Again, you'd think that being honest would be the right thing, but when do I ever say the right thing to Courtney?

"Do you think that if we talk all of this out that we'll have sex?" I shook my head no. "So, if we don't you'll keep fucking her?"

I didn't think about it, I always assumed that when we got together all of the built up sexual tension would be released. That we'd get together and we wouldn't be able to not have sex.

"I wouldn't cheat on you." She laughed, actually started laughing, almost doubling over and falling off of the desk.

"We kiss, something happens where I'm not around to constantly have your lips attached to me, and you end up sleeping with her." She said it and her laughter cut off completely. "If we had been dating, that would have been cheating."

It was a good point, but we hadn't been dating, we never defined what was going on with us.

"I didn't give in to Sirius," I clenched my fists, he still talked about her ass while we were in the dorm, "because I only wanted you. But you give into Rachel because I'm not all you want."

She really thought that?

"You're the only thing I want." I was shouting, I was angry and she was calm, "You're so fucking complicated you're like trying to find the meaning of life while being chased by a horde of angry dragons."

She didn't look amused, so I kept going, "I only think about you, all the time. I've slept with Rachel once since the break up and that was after you slapped me and stopped talking to me."

"Right," she said, her anger still not getting the best of her, "it's my fault that you had to put your cock in her. Not your own choices, not your lack of willingness to just fucking talk to me." She may have had a point but I needed to change the subject.

"Why did you slap me?" James said that it would make sense if we met her mother. But she stormed out of the Great Hall and none of us where able to talk with the two of them.

She sighed, loud and low, she was starring at the ceiling. "My mother..." she bit her bottom lip and played with her vial, "is a junkie." She said it in this automatic voice, no emotion behind it at all. "I grew up around her. Around the drugs, around those people. I can't stand when people get out of themselves. They're not who they really are when they're like that."

I watched her. Her eyes didn't water, she didn't even sound bitter. She sounded like she was answering a question, simply explaining herself to me.

"Okay. I wont smoke anymore." She smiled at me. I took a few more steps. One foot away.

"I am a..." the word caught in my throat and my eyes focused on her necklace, she more then likely already knew, I just never said it to her. I never said it to anyone, not even myself.

The Marauders had guessed after learning about them in Defense, and I just confirmed it with a nod.

"Werewolf?" she asked it. Finishing the sentence for more, I took another step.

Less then six inches away.

"Yes." I breathed the word out.

"I know." Her voice held no fear and somehow I thought that, even with her family, she'd still be afraid of me. I had moved against so I was in front of her, my hands over top hers.

"Be with me."

She kissed me like the kiss we shared in the hallway, slow and heart fluttering. She moved her arms around my neck, and mine fell against her waist. I moved her closer to me, her thighs opened and I stepped between them. Roses infused my scenes, my heart pounded and I was lightheaded from the sudden rush of blood flowing to more...private parts of my body.

**A/N: Almost done revamping the story. It's bitter sweet. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Remus' POV**

I've been watching Courtney with her mother over the weekend. They've had six fights; three of which we had to physically remove Courtney from, she just walked out twice and her mother has disappeared once.

This was the best family drama I've seen since Bellatrix still went to school here.

Rachel thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen or heard.

"Will you shut up you worthless junkie whore!" Make that seven fights.

This one is taking place in the entrance hall, while the Alumni are getting ready to leave. The teachers watched, we've been waiting for this one.

The one we could all hear, the one that aired everything they had been holding back.

"If you ever say anything about how my father raised me again, I swear to Merlin, I will watch you overdose." Courtney's eyes were flashing, not quite changing color, but flickering between the two. "You wanna talk about bad parenting?" She snorted, "Okay, lets talk."

Her mother tried to get her to calm down by placing a hand on her arm and stepping a little bit closer, but Courtney just pushed her away and continued, "you left me at a dealers house when I was four because you needed a fix and didn't have the money. You left me to sell yourself for a fucking drug." Courtney was clenching her fists and obviously trying to stay in control, "when did dad leave me? Huh? When I walked into the train to come here?"

She wasn't done, but her mother had her own words in mind, "your father is an animal. He's brainwashed you into believing that what he is isn't a bad thing" Her mother's arms were crossed while she spoke, she sort of reminded me of the girls Sirius hooked up with while they're trying to get an explanation about why he's not around anymore.

"He forced you not to see me," Courtney scoffed in response but allowed her mother to continue, "I gave birth to you and I wasn't even allowed to be a part of your life!"

Her face was red from yelling at the younger girl, but Courtney just saw this as an opportunity to give her rebuttal.

"You're a bitch," she started, her voice terrifyingly low, "you think that after all these years I'd give a fuck about you and your stupid 'I wanna know my daughter' shit?" she looked at her mother up and down, as if sizing her up for the first time, "Fuck you, the last time I saw your ass you dosed me with acid and shot yourself up." Both of their eyes took a dramatic turn, they looked sad. Desperately sad. But Courtney still continued, her voice almost a whisper. "What kind of parent does that shit? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Her mother looks to be on the verge of tears, and I thought about going up and taking Courtney away. But I know the fire in her eyes, she's terrifying.

I wouldn't mess with her right now.

"I'm sorry little Rose-" her mother started.

Courtney's eyes blazed, no longer flashing between her normal green and the wolf's amber, "DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL ME THAT!" She took a deep breath and stepped to her mother, they were just around the same height and it would have been a stare down, if her mother wasn't so... well, scared.

"You are not a mother." Her eyes were still the glowing amber she sounded calmer then I've ever heard her, "You're barely a woman. You. Are. Nothing." She took a step back, I'm not sure it was to stop herself from hitting the older women, or just because she was almost done. "I don't want your worthless memories, or your silly little stories about the two years you can remember with me. I don't want letters telling me that you love me, that you miss me or that you don't want me around my **real **family." Her smile was wicked, unusually wide. I know what she's feeling, what the wolf is feeling. It's almost pride but mostly amusement in the destruction of something else.

"Go home to your little one bedroom apartment, put your things away, walk down the ally to your dealer, and never try and be a 'mother' again." She had taken a few more steps back but this time her mother was the one to back away. She was defeated, her own flesh and blood was speaking to her with such hate it made the entire Hall feel like it was standing on edge. "Don't send me letters. Don't send me gifts. Don't ever try and talk to me, my father, or even my grandmother again." Her mother moved to leave, eyes following her while she approached the doors.

Courtney let her place her hand onto the handle before calling out to her, stopping the women in her tracks, "you want to be a good mother? Get out of our lives, and stay out of them." Courtney turned and walked away moving up the stairs. Her mother looked like one of those china dolls that crack, not break, when they first fall.

Her mother held her head as high as she could and slipped out the door and was the first Alumni to walk to Hogsmeade.

I'm not even sure I feel bad for her.

**Courtney's POV**

I can feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins. I felt it when I saw Remus walking up the stairs with the Marauder clan. I felt it when I walked up to him and pressed my lips against his in a hungry and possessing kiss.

His arms went around my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck almost instantly and he pressed my body against the railing successfully pinning me. I could hear the boys _ahem-_ing loudly, increasing in volume ever few seconds.

I'm not sure why I came up and started to kiss him but with my tongue wrestling his, it didn't really matter. Maybe its because he knows the feeling, no one who doesn't have a wolf inside of them could ever know this feeling. This feeling of complete rage and joy mixed with a pure animistic need to touch someone and share it.

And now we're stumbling into his dorm, I'm not even sure how we got here, I don't remember any passwords leaving his lips or even his lips leaving my own. His shirt is being lifted over his head, I can see my hands doing this but I feel like I'm on auto pilot, allowing my body to do whatever it needs. My own shirt was thrown to the floor before we even shut the door completely.

His hands are exploring me, pressing rough fingers against my back as he pulls me closer to him. His touch is a strange mixture of both soft and rough, he would caress my back and then dig his nails into my sides. I was trying to stick with feeling my way over his body and memorizing every scar without opening my eyes fully.

We fell onto a bed our legs tangled for a moment before I was able to rest my knees on either side of his hips. I started unbuckling him, I need them to be far away from his body and I don't think he'll disagree with me. I can feel his excitement through his pants.

He flipped us over and was pushing his pants down with one hand while and lifting my skirt with the other.

We've never gone this far, hell, I've never gone this far. He was kissing down my chest, his hot breath against was making me arch my back, giving my silent permission. I felt rather then heard the soft breathy moan that fell from my lips while his hands were massaging my breasts, his lips wrapped around one of the perk pink nipples.

When both of my nipples were hard he was trailing his lips down my stomach, stopping only when he reached the skirt I was wearing. I could hear him unzipping it, but I was more preoccupied by the feeling of him kissing me over my underwear. I gasped and looked down to him, my hands finding their way to his hair, to see him looking up at me.

Then the door opened and Sirius walked in and breezed past us and stopped at another bed on the other side of the room. He grabbed something after a minute of searching around his trunk and walked out, he didn't look at us but before he closed the door I heard, very faintly, _"they're on your bed"_ to someone outside of the room.

My head is foggy but I'm coming out of the lust filled daze I was in. I didn't even fully realize the magic that had moved us to this point. We were flying on pure lust, it moved us from the steps to the Gryffindor common room, then to this bed. I almost feel sorry for what was about to happen, but mostly I felt someone just blasted me with a powerful curse.

Remus seemed to have noticed as well.

He had stopped kissing me and was instead focusing on the floor.

I zipped up my skirt while he slowly moved from between my legs. Part of me wanted him back between them, wanted to continue what we were starting. But another, more human part of me knew that it was wrong to do this on some random bed. Even more wrong to do it because of some silly pull I felt after fighting with my mother.

When I grabbed my shirt his hand touched my back. It was so gentle that for a moment I wasn't sure if he was actually doing so or if it was some sort of weird aftershock.

Neither of us said anything while we dressed and when I left him he was sitting on the side of the bed next to Sirius' with his head in his hands. I didn't spare any of the Marauder's (who all happened to be sitting outside the dorm and seemed not to notice me anyway) when I left.

It's like the moment our lips met, my own wolfish instincts took over and it felt like his did as well.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This chapter was written because of a review left by Leanne (XxXLeanneXxX) the first time around in which she asked to see more of Courtney's mother. **

**Charlotte's POV**

I haven't seen her in almost three years. Will I even remember what she looks like? Should I hug her? Should I let her hug men? Will it make me a bad mother to not recognize her? Will she be waiting for me like she used to when she was young?

I don't expect her to have her face pressed against a window, looking sad with tear stains on her cheeks and I don't expect that she'll jump up and have a huge toothy smile with her eyes shining in wonder when she sees me. But maybe I'm expecting her to be a little excited, a tiny bit happy to see me.

I pulled the black sweater over my self, she wouldn't want to see the scars from years of abusing a needle. I tried hard when she was a child to protect her, but I never seemed to remember that she shouldn't play with matches or she shouldn't be with me at two AM in a park while I'm trying to score.

She really does have every right to hate me.

I shouldn't have come.

She asked me not to.

I should have stayed home.

She looks like me, her hair is straight and black while mine was pulled into a ponytail she left hers down. She had this purple streak in her hair, just one, the wind swept it against her face and made it look like war paint. I never liked those things. She's beautiful andshe doesn't need that. I almost wonder what boy she did for and what her father was thinking letting her do such things.

Her lips are as red as the poisoned apple and she carried herself with more confidence then I have ever had. I caught her eye, and waved slightly, (something that she didn't reciprocate) before walking over to her.

I hugged her, but instead of allowing her arms to wrap around me as well, she only patted my back in that awkward way that people do sometimes. "Oh, my little Rose." I smiled, large and wide while she told me to follow her and turned away from me. This is going to be a long weekend.

She brought me to my room, old classrooms that magic had made into dorm rooms just like the ones we used to have when we were students here. "I'm sure you want to reminisce." Her back was straight and she didn't look at my face while she spoke, "dinner is at six." She sounded cold, her grandmothers fault I imagine. I actually think I can feel the chill coming from her.

I just want to know her.

Dinner wasn't much better, it felt strange. She was trying to prove that she hated me and that she didn't need me. All little girls need their mothers. "Why'd you come, Mom?" Her voice was soft and she sounded defeated. I came for you. To show you that I'm clean, I'm okay, that we cant start over and we can be a family, that you don't need to be attached to your father so much. To show you that there is more to life then potions and werewolves.

"To spend time with my daughter." I would be lying if I said that her question didn't hurt, either. Most children would be excited, happy, maybe even just a little bit curious about their parents whom they haven't seen in years. Not my daughter, no, she held onto her baggage like someone was going to steal it.

"Look, I've been clean for a few months now." I started, it was more like a month, I relapsed when she first asked me not to come see her, "I just want to catch up on everything I've missed, your father's kept you so far away from me." Its his fault that she hates me. I cant even image the lies that he's told her or the stories he has exaggerated about the times that I lived with them.

She just got up and left, I didn't know what to do, people where watching me, so I left as well. I went to my room and wanted to scream, I wanted to slam my head against the wall, but instead I laid down into my bed and closed my eyes.

Why cant she just give me a chance? I'm not who I was when I was younger and playing house with her father.

I tried to make it better, I really I did. I tried to calm her down and to not fight with her, but her words where like daggers. Nothing hurts, no withdrawal, no needle, like your daughter telling you that they hate you, and meaning it.

I listened to her, her words coming over me, and I left. She wants me to leave then alone? That wont be a problem. I've always loved her, no matter how screwed up I was, I always loved her. I may have been a bad mother, I may have been in the wrong over the years, but I did love her.

And I tried, I tried to be good, to make her see that we could be family, that she could be my daughter and I could be her mother again.

I tried.

Now there is nothing left to do but go home and hate myself. She doesn't want me in her life, in her fathers life, hell she doesn't even want me in my own mothers life. And she's right, she really is. Its not right of me to make them all miserable, to put them through everything I had over and over again.

She turned out okay without me. She never needed me.

Her father raised her in an okay fashion, and he did a lot better then I ever could.

I could never teach her that confident in what she is, in what runs in her veins. I could never tell her that I support her in all her choices, because I trust her, because I couldn't be trusted at her age. I wouldn't have had faith in her.

I want to think that I had something to do with this, with her.

But I know that the only thing I did was help create the cracked looked in her eyes, the chipped parts of her otherwise perfect armor.

I know that I never could take any credit for anything good in her except for her looks.

I can only hope that she doesn't throw those away like I did.

**A/N: Nothing changed much in this chapter other then my cleaning it up a bit and adding a few things here and there. **


	18. End

**NOTE: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUALY EXPLICIT SITUATIONS. JUST, BE WARNED.**

**Remus' POV**

We're leaving on tomorrow to go home, so I am spending today with Courtney. She spends most of her Summer in Russia with her father, his brother, and Justin. While I spend mine in England with the Marauders. We wont really be seeing each other over summer but we're going to try and write at least once a week.

Her father is going to continue to send me the potion, as well.

I am currently standing outside the Room of Requirement whole she is inside "getting ready". I'm not really sure what she's planning. We had skipped dinner to finish our packing so we could spend the majority of the evening together. The only thing I know for sure is that we're going to be eating, she's kept most of her plan in the dark.

I have been standing out here for nearly fifteen minutes and when she (finally) opened the door the first thing I notice is that her hair is completely black, not a blast of color anywhere. She still has her red lipstick on and no other make up, it's almost a signature. She looks up at me and smiles this soft and much-too-innocent smile. She's wearing a black dress that clings to her curves. Without a word she walks into the room, letting me see what had taken so long to prepare.

There are candles everywhere not the large ones that are in our dorms, just a lot of small tea lights on the floor in clusters. There is a table in the center of the room.

Steak, the same thing we would have been able to have if we had gone to dinner, but it seemed better then if we had gone.

I gave her a white rose, she had never told me her favorite flower so I conjured one that reminded me of her instead. She hugged me before walking to the table. While we ate we spoke about summer, this past year, her potion, the Marauders and everything in between. We joked about when we were younger, and how much she and I have changed since we first met in fourth year.

It was fun, it seemed like a real date, one that we wouldn't have been able to have even if we went to Hogsmeade. But I couldn't stop my self anymore, and after the table and all of it's contents disappeared, I kissed her. My hands rested on her hips and I pulled her in so she was against me and she moved her hands so they were on my shoulders. My eyes where closed, when her lips are against mine the world spins and if I keep them open I get dizzy. But when I opened them, the room had changed, the only important difference was the bed.

The sheets are a deep crimson and they seem to be darkened by the dimness of the lighting. She sat on the edge and I sat down next to her. We kissed again,this time it was heavy and heated. I moved her so I could press her back against the sheets and so I could be on top of her. It allowed me to kiss her neck, to nip gently at her collarbone and to be able to pull my shirt off when she starts to get it off.

I felt her heat through my pants and I can't help the low growl that jumps from my lips.

I moved us so she could rest herself on top of me, I know where I want this go, but she needs to decide as well. The only think I can feel is her kissing my neck, biting it and then smirking against my skin when I growled again. I pushed her back down and started to kiss down her chest while I pulled the zipper on her dress down. She wiggled her arms free and lifted her hips while I finished pulling it down.

Her bra is black and has a lace trim that rests on her cleavage, her panties matched and together they stood out in emphasis against her creamy skin. I kissed around the lace then down her stomach, I would have moved further down her body but she pulled me up and kissed me hard, her hands fighting with my belt. I kissed her neck and bit it softly, the low moan that escaped her made me bite harder. I fumbled with taking her bra off while she pushed my pants over my hips.

I took off her bra and threw it across the room, loosing it in the darkness and started kissing her breasts. They weren't too big, or too small, hey were perfect. I kissed her nipples, biting them softly until they were hard pink nubs.

I moved down her stomach and kissed above the hem of her panties. I pulled them down slowly and watched her, waiting for her stop me. She didn't stop me so I kissed her inner thighs. I could smell her, it was a new scent that drove me crazy.

I kissed the soft lips of her sex, I was barely touching them but I hear her intake of breathe, quick and sharp.

I licked her as lightly as I could, I wanted to taste her and too tease her. I moved my fingers to her opening, while I sucked softly on her clit, and worked her softly.

She was tight and molded around my fingers perfectly. She was moaning and gripping the sheets, her back arching and her hips bucking upwards.

She came while biting her lip, gripping my hair and letting out a small string of curse words. I licked her clean while her body twitched under the touch and then moved kissed back up. I barely made it to her neck before she pushed me over, onto my back, and straddled me.

**Courtney's POV**

I kissed him hard, faintly tasting myself on his tongue. I didn't spend as much time as he had while moving down his body. I only stopped every few inches to nip at his flesh. When I was at my destination I pulled his boxers down and stared at his length. He was larger then I thought he would be, much larger.

I wasn't expecting it.

I kissed the tip, testing his reaction before running my tongue down the shaft, as slowly as I could. I looked up at him when I started to softly suck on the tip only dipping my eyes when I started to move my mouth further down. I can't fit his entire member into my mouth so I settle for working the rest with my hand. I heard his groans, they were low and harsh. He had scars everywhere so I counted them while watching his chest rise and fall.

He kept looking down at me, his eyes seemed shocked every time I caught the with my own while I moved my head up and down. I wanted nothing more then to bring him to oblivion. I was aching for him, it was a soft throb between my legs that throbbed a little harder every time he moaned, mumbled soft words or groaned when my teeth softly grazed against him.

"I'm going to cum." his voice was a harsh whisper and I pulled away, straddled him again and kissed him hard.

I needed him.

He flipped me over so he could hover above me and bit into my beck hard. I moaned loud into his ear, I didn't mean for it to come out as loud as it did, but I was quickly loosing my ability to think regulating such things. He positioned himself against my opening and I looked up at him. He changed, his eyes were softer.

Kissed me softly, his eyes looking to mine and silently questioning me.

Did I really want to do this?

I nodded and he kissed me again while pushing himself in softly. It was painful, not the blinding pain they tell you it will be, but it was like stubbing your toe. It felt like it would go on forever but it only lasted a few seconds. He was allowing me get used to the few inches before moving in more until he was against the small slip of skin, he was looking into my eyes, giving me a chance to back out of it again. So I kissed him, and he pushed through, ripping the now tender membrane. I shut my eyes tight as he slipped into me completely, getting used to the feeling. He mad waited a few moments before he began lifting his hips and pumping in and out of me softly.

I didn't feel any pain after a minute or so, instead I left this fire like pleasure and I moaned. Nothing I said came out completely as words, it was mixed with soft groans. "Faster. Harder." and he complied with each request.

He kissed me when I wrapped my legs around him, I was grinding myself against him, trying to match his hips.

He bit my neck again. I can feel it become tender as a hickey forms. When I open my eyes he has the look in his own. Animal.

He put my arms above my head, holding my wrists in place with one of his hands while he's pushing into me, and I grinding with him.

He was groaning and I was coming. The little taste of wolf I knew he was holding back that had slipped out was enough to send me to the edge.

"Remus.." I breathed.. I bit my lip. I needed him.

"I'm coming." Remus growled, those words were enough to make my back arch and press my chest against his. I felt his stomach muscles tighten against my own as he filled me, releasing himself into me.

I followed him before he was able to finish fully. Moaning loudly as he slowly came to a stop.

We hadn't moved, but he kissed my lips softly. I was trying to will my body to stop shaking.

When he laid next to me still catching his breath and kissing my shoulder, I just smiled. I couldn't form words yet, and even if I could, I didn't want to be the one to break this perfect silence.

"Courtney?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but he pulled me closed while saying it, pressing his chest against my back.

I turned y head to look at him. "Yes?"

"I love you." My breathe caught in my throat and I looked into his eyes, I was looking for anything to tell me that I had heard incorrectly, or that he didn't mean to say what he did.

"I love you too, Remus." I said it while turning my body to him. When his name finished slipping through my lips he kissed me.

What a nice way to end he school year.

**End**

**Review, if this is your first time reading tell me what you think. If you're a second time reader, tell me if I made this story any better by re-vamping it. **


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